I think exposure backfired?

[AntoniaB]

Ok last night I contacted him via email and said that if he had to ask the OW's permission for counseling, then forget about it. I said I was going to let him go. That I cannot take the comparisons he's making between us or the case he is making as to why she is suddenly better for him and I want that to stop. I said none of it was fair to me and it was in fact cruel and hateful, and I didn't deserve that. I said "I'm done." I accept that you have no interest in saving anything with me and if you agree with the terms of the property settlement that we talked about earlier, let me know and I'll have my lawyer draw up the papers.

He responded with more of the same (it's like he refuses to stop mentioning her to me) and then I really let him have it on the boundary issues, and I said again "I'm done" and "I'm letting you go", "so why can't you just ACCEPT that and stop trying to hurt me more.

Then this am he calls me and there is no anger in him towards me, if anything it's a very productive and friendly conversation about some of the legal stuff (my lawyer wants us to file a property settlement agreement asap just to get the financial stuff squared away and that can be changed later or added to the divorce petition). He tells me that he is seeing his parents from whom he has been very distant, and he wrote them a letter last night and asked that they NOT blame me for any of this nor say anything disrespectful about me to him when he sees them. He also tells me he has insomnia again. I asked again about the prop. settlement and he said "let's just sit on that for now." He also has not made one move to file divorce papers. And yet he persists with telling me "she" is the one for him.

So I think at this point I'm going to shout out BOUNDARY any time he verges on any kind of hurt and if he doesn't stop, hang up on him. I haven't seen him in person for 2 weeks. I've told him I didn't want to see him.

When I said last night "I'm letting you go" it was very sad but cathartic, because what I meant by that is I'm going to stop trying to rationalize with him which is what all of you said above. And I really am done with that. I can see it backfires.