Listen buddy. You cheated on me and I took you back because I still loved you and wanted our family to be together. You cheated on me again five years later, and again I was willing to take you back and work on our marriage. However, you repaid me by walking out again five months later.
And how did I respond?
Did I go to your work and expose you and ow to your bosses and try to get you fired? No. In fact, I chose to go to events with you after the fact to keep up appearances so you wouldn't get fired.
Did I gossip about you to any family member or friend who would listen to me? No. In fact, I never told anyone that you left me, except my parents and siblings, for SEVEN months!!! And now 18 months later I still haven't told anybody that you cheated on me, except my parents and siblings who already knew.
Did I throw out all your stuff, break your CDs, make a bonfire in the yard? No. I thoughtfully and carefully packed things up for you. Not just clothes. I organized all of your banking, truck, cattle, 401(k) and insurance papers and gave them to you. I made you your own photo albums with pictures of the kids using the duplicate prints we had. I packed up half of our kitchenware so the kids would have familiar cereal bowls and cups. I even gave you the fancy waffle iron you bought the kids so you could have nice breakfasts at your house. Hell, I packed up half the kids' clothes and toys and books so you wouldn't have to buy new ones and they would have things they were comfortable with in their new home. I even brought toothbrushes and detangler and pony tail holders for Sydney!!
Did I stand in your way of moving on? No. In fact I signed the release papers when you closed on the house so you could get the mortgage without my name on it. I told you I wanted you to keep the cattle and the tools and the farm equipment. I chose not to hire the forensic accountant even after my attorney suggested that I should. Even though I have no idea how much money you spent on Stephanie or other women over the years, or how much money is tied up in your partnerships with Doug and Charlie on the cattle business.
Did I try to interfere or mess up your relationship with your kids? No. When you first moved out I welcomed you into our home in Kansas City on the weekends. I made dinners, cleaned up, did laundry, and tried to make sure the kids were rested and ready to play with you. Once we got to Iowa and you moved back in, then moved out, for over a year I let you come to my house any time day or night to be with the kids since you didn't have a home for them to stay with you. When you wanted to be alone with them, that was fine. When you wanted me to go places with you, I did. I often made dinner and had you over for family time, dinner, movie, popcorn, etc with the kids.
Have I tried to embarrass you in our hometown? No. I have not said a bad word about you to anyone. When you have come to church we have always sat together, I have not argued with you in front of anyone, I have gone to lunch and dinner with you around town and never told anyone why we got divorced.
Have I cut off your family? No. When your parents want time with the kids, I give them that time whenever possible, unless I already have plans. I give our nieces birthday and graduation gifts, because after 18 years, I will always consider them my nieces, not just yours. I still have the kids get your parents gifts for holidays, even this past mother's day/father's day, after we were officially divorced.
And how do you return the favor?
You do give me very generous financial supposrt and I appreciate that.
But you also treat me like an employee or an underling. You tell me how to raise the kids, how to play with them, how to do everything.
Funny you got on me so bad when Nathan missed his medicine but then tell me you are out of refills for his prescription and need to borrow a few pills from me.
Did I yell at you and belittle you? No, I gave you some pills. You tell me you don't know why I let the kids stay up late and then they are calling me from your house at 10:30.
You are quite clearly miserable and angry at the world and much of the time you choose to direct that anger at me. Now that I have backed off giving you unconditional support you are pissed. You expected me to tell Kids Place when you wanted the kids there for day care? How did I know your plans? I asked you five times via email and text in the weeks before school got out and you refused to answer me. You call me late at night when I am out and assume I am home to run you over some medicine for Nathan? Really? Am I supposed to spend the rest of my life making sure things run smoothly for you even though you give no regard to how my life is going? Honestly that appears to be your plan.
Guess what? Despite your protests to the contrary, you HAD a wife who supported you and loved you and tried her best to make a happy home for you and our kids. I made mistakes along the way but the intent in my heart was always genuine. You can get mad and bitch and moan and accuse me of anything you want, but we both know the truth:
I was here. For 12 years of marriage I never cheated on you, I never left you, I never gave up on you. You are the one who walked away. So stop the b.s. of throwing your fits at me. You screwed me over, not the other way around. I have had every right to blow up at you and I haven't, so stop chewing my ass and show me some respect. I am not your punching bag to blow off steam when you are stressed and then you turn around and try to pretend nothing happened.
