Yes, DaddyLongShanks, that makes perfect sense. Totally agree.
And it's easy to see why your suggestion might be difficult in our case:
1. I like the pleasuring to be slow and take a long time. And since my wife gets NOTHING out of this, and she does not want mutual participation, this is very BORING for her, especially if I would like it, say, a minimum of 3 times a week. I mean, if you thought the treadmill at the gym was boring, I can see how this is REALLY boring.
2. Since she has never had an orgasm herself, she doesn't fully understand what the experience is for me.
3. And since she knows that I can self-service, she doesn't see how her participation makes much difference.
4. She knows that I would get more out of it if she ALSO enjoys it. So she knows that I enjoy it a lot less because she's not into it, so what's the loss of just not bothering?
And as for point #4, I have to admit she's right. I'm not sure it's sex worth having at all if it's just done as a chore, and knowing there are women out there who are, by contrast, begging their husbands for sex!
I remember one time I bugged my wife for sex, and we both knew it had been quite a long time (so long she knew she had run out of excuses). She responded with annoyance that if I waited a bit while she finished up some other things, she could give me a little hand work. And when the time came, she said, "OK, let's get this over with -- I've got a lot do." Not exactly what I'd call romantic, but it's pretty much the best sex I've had in a long time and I'm used to it.
