CB was my Coffee Buddy! As I was in the process of separating from my wife, which took five months, I became friendly with a lady whose daughter went to the same daycare and dance class as mine. We began having coffee together while the girls were in class. I shared with her my situation and she was very empathetic. We started having coffee regularly. My hormones were on overload and I wasn't making good decisions. She also had a boyfriend and wasn't making great decisions herself. Finally, almost as soon as I separated, she just abruptly stopped spending time with me. Now, nothing happened between us except talk but what we were doing wasn't really appropriate either. OT was kicking my butt for that one, and rightfully so! Has that experience soured me on women? No, I recognize that I pushed something that I shouldn't have. I was validating my manhood at a time when I was feeling very undesirable. CB finally did what she should have done a lot earlier. Anyway Mish, that's the CB saga in a very brief nutshell.
Well, you were pretty close to a full-on emotional A in your own head, if you recall. You also neglected to mention the huge amount of anger, resentment, pain you felt when CB withdrew her attention. It may not have "soured you on women", but it sent you into a hole from which you have yet to emerge.
Ask yourself this: How will you feel for your brother if he separates from his W, she moves in with someone else that she's been cheating on him with, and your brother does nothing for more than three years. He doesn't file for D, he doesn't date anyone, he sees his exW on his birthday and other holidays, though she continues to live the guy. He stays depressed, his health starts to suffer. When you talk to him, you hear a constant stream of self-deprecating humor that repeats itself over and over. There is no movement. Three years. He starts feeling old. He's lonely. Three years. No movement. He's not even in a place where it would be OK for him to date because he has no intention of divorcing his wife. How do you feel for him? What advice would you give him? Would you want him to follow your footsteps? How about 4 years, 5 years, 10 years, same place?
OUCH! Putting it all that way really does put it in perspective doesn't it? You certainly couldn't want that for your brother, then why do you want that for yourself?
I haven't followed your sitch for very long and I guess I didn't realize your W lives with her A partner????? Really? GAG!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Wow, I didn't realize my life sucked that badly! You can take any fact and spin it whatever way you want. OT has spun a very depressing picture of both me and my life. I disagree. I have no no fantasies about my wife and I getting back together, nado. If I choose to do things with the mother of my children WITH my children, I don't see how that is such a horrible thing. It's usually a special occasion thing, not some weekly event. Now, if I was doing these things in the hope of reconciliation, well that would be dumb...and depressing. So, I probably should file but to say I have no intention of ever filing is wrong, it's just not a priority. Maybe it should be OT thinks so. Does it pull me into some black abyss, I don't think so. Again, OT disagrees, fair enough. As far as CB, yes I was hurt by the way she chose to ditch me. No argument there, but is it a reason I haven't dated since? No. I never saw an A with her as the outcome, in fact, it was really a no win sitch for both of us, so it made no sense from the beginning. I sure loved the attention though. yet, it was a weird situation which was what it was and should never have been, if that makes any sense! Btw, I do have a Turtle and she's pretty darn good company! (I hope that wasn't self deprecating humour?)
Oh, and I do understand that dating is much better if both parties are done with their last partner. So OT, I will give it some thought
