"Friend" is an intersting word for me with regards to my H. Are we friends now? I would have to say yes, although he does not call me to ask how I am, to "chat" or to check on D's (he sees them once a week). What kind of friends we are remains to be seen and in large part depends on me.
What I am well aware of is this, if I choose not to be frinds with him, there is no chance of any type of relationship with him in the future. Other than possibly saying "Hi" and going to the other side of the room. This is my world and it is populated with people I know very well (myself included). Could I be wrong? Yes. This is how I choose to approach things. Does it mean I'm always "Little Miss Sunshine?" No (even though I loved the strip tease). I am very real, I just control what I respond to, how I respond to it and when (almost always now).
If I was aware of my H's PA's etc would I be? I don't know. It would depend on different factors for me. In my case, I have drawn the "conclusion" (thanks Jack ) that my H is probably seeing/f'ing someone, but he is both kind enough and smart enough to keep it away from me and our D's.
The point that Jack made about them seeing what they are missing is a good one. Does it register? In some ways I think it does. In other ways it may be used as a "rationale" for why they need to leave. This is why it is so important for you to look at yourself. Change what you don't like. This is what saves us.
I would also share that some of the changes I wanted to make early on were really in reaction to what he said. Do I still work on some of those things? Yes. They just aren't about "making him happy" anymore. Some of those things also fell by the wayside b/c I really didn't want those things for myself.
) that my H is probably seeing/f'ing someone, but he is both 