No, your H would not know you retained an attny unless you told him. When I retained my attny the firm had to run a simple check to be sure my H had not ever done business with the firm in any way to avoid a conflict of interest.
Your attny would then draw up the papers along with the settlement you are requesting and have your H served. Your H then would have x number of days (depending on your state laws) to retain counsel and respond.
I do agree there should be no more discussion about assets or money until something formal is in place. Between the house and the health insurance you will need some help. Right now your H is taking money in drips (ex: 125.00) and that money will go fast if this continues.
You certainly can have your attny include in the papers to your H that divorce is not your desire but due to his desire to not work on or participate in the marriage it is your last option to file for dissolution (something along those lines).
The more time passes the further down the hole your H will fall with his "habits". IMO the longer you wait the more damage you are doing to you. I know it is horribly painful and I am so sorry.
