Think I am dead now.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

The rest of YOUR life is going to slip away because she left it?

Par, look man, that is the the second lamest thing in the world.

You control your life, not her.

There are alot of issues within your post above that suggest problems from both of you in a relationship. But right now the focus should be on you and your thoughts of eating the barrel.

Golf...you play golf, you chase perfection. How fun is THAT? Chasing perfection, can you tell I'm not a big fan of it...I understand the concept but golf to me is made for OCD people to 'enjoy'.
When is the last time you actually ENJOYED the whole round of golf?

FIND something FUN to do.

You want to feel the experience of living?

Do something that you are deathly afraid of. Seriously.

If you are that close to offing yourself, then you shouldn't be afraid of confronting your fear. Are you afraid of heights? Set up a parachute jump. Too exepnsive? Go to an ammusement park and go on the rides you would never have gone on before.

Afraid of spiders? Go check out Petsmart and ask to handle one. Confront your fears...and guess what life tastes F-ing amazing the next few days afterwards. The next meal afterward is one of the best of your life.

Par,

Look man I am 3 years behind you.

Call the hot line provided.

Give the gun to a friend you trust to keep it away from you.

What type of gun btw? A Sig? .45? .22?

Ahhh you're a golfer its probablly a little .38 speical.

Par, go LOOK for things that YOU enjoy. If you wait for life to throw happiness on you; you are doing it wrong.

[Deep]

I won't say too much as I'm unsure if I will say the right things.

I will just add that right now you may feel your life sucks so bad, and is so empty, you have nothing to lose.

You do. You can turn what sucks into something better over time. You can fill emptiness. As long as there's life. If you feel unable to give yourself love right now, that's ok - go talk to someone who can help you regain a sense of hope.

[Ready2Change]

Hi Par,

I can also understand why the pain would make you feel like you don't want to live. How long have you been living with this pain?
Why do you feel like you can't handle it? And why do you feel like you are going to lose your family? How much pain do you think your family will feel after you are gone?

My thoughts are with you and I wish you well.

[Barkley]

Don't be stupid Par....I know you are in a world of hurt right now. If you "leave", you will cause so much more pain to all those who love you. Please reconsider for their sakes alone

[Grace_O]

Par,

I know where you are. I know that hell. I also know there is life on the other side. If it wasn't for the pain you're in right now, you would never understand beauty and pure bliss. The two go hand in hand.

You may not be thinking about it, but what do you leave behind?
I'm one of those things that was left behind. This is your chance to make a difference, to lead the amazing life you are meant to live. Life can't be amazing without pain. We wouldn't appreciate it. We are human.

Get out of the house, you have alot to lose.

HUGS

[TimeHeals]

Yeah,

We've all been there. The good news about feeling as bad as you feel right now is that there's a 70% chance that in 2-3 months you will be a different person having changed so much. There's a 90% chance that happens in less than 6 months.

Human beings only make big changes when they are either forced to make them or when they are pretty much so desperate they HAVE to make them.

The good news about what you are feeling is that you can use this to make yourself a better person.

You've fallen, and it hurts like Hell, but you will get back up, and it will make you emotionally stronger.

[Mach1]

Par,

Been where you are...

Understand how you feel...

Don't agree with giving EVERYTHING to her , and that is what you will be giving to her...

YOUR happiness

YOUR memories that are to come

YOUR life....

I know this sh!t sucks....

I just think that YOU are worth fighting for...

I see Virginia posted the numbers for you

Please use them

[beingreal]

Par...

I hope you are still reading these.

I have lost two friends to suicide. I think about them all the time. The simple things they missed because they thought it was too difficult to keep going. You won't know how happy you can be unless you try.

I can't begin to tell you the devastation those people left behind when they killed themselves. Just hurt and anger. You might just go to sleep--but you leave everyone you love with the same feelings you have right now.

Hurt

Anger

Hopeless

Is that what you want for them? Don't do this. If you can't do this for yourself, then do it for someone you love until you finally can live for yourself.

Reach out to someone you love.

And let us know how you are doing. You have people worried sick over here.

(and if it makes you feel any better...I've been right where you are right this second. I promise it gets better. If you let it.)

[Ready2Change]

Par,

I remember the pain. Pain is the message telling me to make changes. I change my beliefs, my thoughts, the way I speak, the way I behave, where I am, who I spend time with, the way I dress, the work I do, the hobbies I am involved in, the way I parent....

This is what I ask my self:

"Why do I feel this way? Do I want to feel this way? What can I change about me to feel different?

Making all the changes, and continuing to make changes got me to happy.

[pandora]

hi par, what you are going through must hurt terribly. i know you feel you cannot go on, but things will get better.

also, i know several of us could use your help with golf...and would love to get some pointers.