Re-Connecting

[Fightingforher]

Also, I'm curious about the bedroom situation. I asked her to move to the spare bedroom about a month ago. She is always complaining about sleeping in there. Would it be a good gesture to ask her back to the master bedroom?

I'm also finding myself waiting by the phone for her to call. What is going on with me?????

[DanF]

You are very excited and hopeful that things are changing for the better, finally. Even though you detached, you still want this, and badly. Try to remain calm. I'll wait for the experts to give you sleeping and other advice, but just hang in there. This is working for you.

[Fightingforher]

I'm very excited that she has let her guard down but now I just need advice about the outstanding issues.

[TimeHeals]

I imagine rebuilding is work and takes time.

Remember when you were dating and things first started seeming like they might get serious?

You didn't know how things would go right?

You are sort of back in the same boat, but now you know that you have a harder road ahead.

I think the Puppy/Coach posts would give you a good hybrid approach to sort of guide you.

[Fightingforher]

I'm certainly up for the challenge. I'd really like to know how to proceed with everything. I'm feeling really down right now. I've only spoken to her once today she called to check on my sons swim lessons.

I laid out by the pool during sons nap time which was relaxing. My son and I are going to a BBQ tonight without W. I just feel like she should be reaching out to me more, doesn't seem like she is genuine about working on things. I'm sure it's just my insecurities coming out right now. I know I shouldn't expect change over night.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I just feel like she should be reaching out to me more, doesn't seem like she is genuine about working on things. I'm sure it's just my insecurities coming out right now.

I tend to agree with you. It seems that she's putting the onus on YOU to convince HER, when just 48 hours ago it was, properly, on HER.

Whatever happened to "I'll do anything!"???

Puppy

[Fightingforher]

We have our MC tomorrow morning. Should I expect more right now from her?

She just called, she didn't say much, asked about son and what time we were going to bbq. She said she may run some errands after work. Might get a drink with her GF, not sure if she feels like going out.

I fell like I've lost control of the situation. What should I do???

[sandi2]

Like you said, you have a lot of insecurities. It takes time. About the bedroom, I'd suggest you wait until the next time she complains about the sleeping arrangements and then say, "You are welcome to come back to the master bedroom", and leave it at that. That would not be as much pressure as if you brought the subject up to her. If you do invite her, don't get all dramatic about it but have a "whatever" attitude. You probably don't understand why I say that, but if you show your intense feelings then she is going to run for the hills. You already feel insecure, so I would be too quick to add to the load. If she really is sincere, then that's her clue to move back. If she doesn't, then I think that is a red flag. It's not that anything is set in stone about having make-up sex or anything, but she could sleep in the same bed. However,if she complains and then declines.....somethings not right.

Keep all your self-improvements going. The biggest problem with those who return here is the fact they fell back into their old habits. I would taper off staying out late at night and devote time with the family.....HOWEVER, do not start smothering her. And if she starts acting cold...that's when you step it up GAL major time.
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[Fightingforher]

Just got home from Bbq with son. All my friends were there with wives
it's getting harder and harder to lie when they ask where W is.
She greeted us at the door, we talked about the Bbq and the friends.

We put son to bed and retired to our rooms. No R talks or any hints of her
missing me. I'll continue family time and see if she appreciates that.

[sandi2]

I wouldn't try to continue to make excuses for your W's absence. Just shrug and say, "I guess you'll have to ask her".

No R talks or any hints of her
missing me. I'll continue family time and see if she appreciates that.

This is what the LBH doesn't get. Even if she was sincere about saving the M.....she probably will not show those "signs" you want to see from her. She would not jump back into being that person she used to be.

Has she expressed remorse in any way? Until she gets through the final stage of remorse, she isn't going to be able to overcome those feelings of resentment, etc. As a result, the MR will not heal.

Do not start a conversation about the R.