Melody, I have been wanting to post for some time but have been holding back. My advice is going to run contrary to Allen 's strategy. I don't think a hard line and exposing to everyone always works, especially for men.
I need to ask, what is your goal in the situation? You used Newmama's advise (which is why I didn't post at first-great advice) and it was working. You gave him an ultimatum and he left for a time. He came back, apologizing and ready to work on things. Your response was to leave? Believe me, I get that you need some space to think about what's best for you, but at this point continuing to stay away is hurting your chances of saving your M. Men need the connection with the woman they love.
He said it was over. Can you verify that? Have you asked your neighbor if OW has been there while you're gone? Maybe your SIL will do some detective work for you since his family seems supportive.
