Originally Posted By: irish
My H is sick and I have been a co-addict in the process!! (I wish you knew how painful it is for me to admit this!)


I do know how painful this is.

I think you mean to say co-dependent?

Look your motives here were pure. You wanted to save H and your family. So...

Don't beat yourself up. Go easy on Irish ok?

BUT

These types of relationships are MUCH harder to detach from. If you look at the beginning of my thread you will see what I am talking about.

Cat is right it no different than any other addiction. As the one who cares what choice do you have?

A) Join in
B) Leave
C) Try to fix

We choose C right? What happens?

All the focus goes into the affected one. Trying to control. Fix. Deny. Cover. Make excuses for. Yell. Get upset. Feel like a failure.

Add what else you want here ______.

The point is YOU got lost.

What we see as the only logical choice for the loving caring person we like think we are is C. Right?

WRONG.

It actually is B although a modified version.

Choice B is really to lovingly detach. It is the acknowledgement that YOU have no control over another.

Their actions are not part of YOU.

Their decisions are not part of YOU.

It is unhealthy for YOU to think otherwise.

AND as long as you do YOU are part of the problem.

Irish I am not going to sugar coat anything for you.

This is the hardest thing you will ever do- to detach.

Harder than most people because of the co-dependency.

You may find that you have to just go dark until you get it under control.

Only you can say. And you will say. Listen to yourself.

Pay attention to what is affecting you and why.

Don't confuse detaching with giving up or not loving H.

Quite the opposite although maybe counterintuitive.

Detaching allows you to get to a stronger healthier place.

YOU are the stronger one.

YOU are the ONLY one right now with the strength and courage to help your family.

My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am