So tonight I went out with a frined for a drink and wings. he went through a divorce when he was younger before I met him No kids. Now happily married with a young son.
We talked about what he did and how it went. And we talked about where I am and what I'm doing. He likes the plan and wish he know about it back then. DB would have just been released then.
I got the new shoes and some new pants for work. Feeling good and looking good. Took the convertible into town and revelled in the wind. Played MY music as loud as I wanted. Felt like ME again.
We discussed detaching and GAl. But a lot about detaching as I think ireally am starting to feel it. Which sadly means I am not feeling "it" for W as much.
When I got home about 9 W and D were getting ready for bed. She started to tell me about something funny she did today. But I focused on D's excitement I was home. I followed her up the stairs and realized W had stopped talking mid-sentence. There was a minute of silence and I kind of felt bad. I normally would have apologized and aske her to continue. Instead she called up she was going to dry here hair.
15 min later I was in their room playing with D. We were running up and down the hall 'Catch me, Daddy'. W came in and started on the story again and got a little further this time before I was summoned to "Catch me" So off I went down the hall.
So this time she came out and joined us. We cahsed her back and forth between us for a good 30 minutes. Damn, we were having fun as a family should. When D started to overhea, W took her to the couch to try and settle her for bed. And she finished the story while I was in earshot.
So she comes to the master bedroom and "asks" me if she can borrow the Bouncy Castle (those inflateable things) for Candaces D's birthday Saturday. I said sure. (and she's giving me a heds up to her Sat plans)
But again, she asks a physical question "Did I get a mosquito bite on my chin?" So I go and look and ask where, kind of pointing. She grabs my finger and says "Here" and touches her chin with my finger. I said looks like a little one. She says "Not as bad as this?" and puls her sleeve up to show another but while doing so actually pushes her hip against me. I back off a bit.
Please, can somebody tell me WTF is going on here? Is she starting to sense the detachment? Is she noticing some changes? Is she missing me cause I've not been home befor 8 all week?
I'm really confused and if she is signalling some warmth, I don't want to screw it up.
The flipside is that she moved the D Kit (so she at least had it in her hand). She hasn't said that she's changed her mind or anything. And she texted erlier to say I didn't have to take D to daycare as she was tired; it was going to be nice; so she was going to call in sick (only took two afetr surgery-that's all she's ever taken). Wish I had the damn GPS Phone set up (doing it tomorrow)
Thanks 2W. Affair or not she was PO'd at me for wrecking her dinner plans. Anger is anger. And she went further by getting the D Kits. More anger/retribution.
Sleeping with the baby,yes, that was the story. But it certainly didn't help us get close. Made it harder. How can you complain about no sex if you aren't in the same room "We used to do it anywher, even the kitchen (My answer- Not with a two year old in a house overlooking the 1st Teebox of a golf course.)
Are you suggesting that her "close" behaviour is a smoke screen to put me off the trail?
Please, can somebody tell me WTF is going on here? Is she starting to sense the detachment? Is she noticing some changes? Is she missing me cause I've not been home befor 8 all week?
Done told you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Please, can somebody tell me WTF is going on here? Is she starting to sense the detachment? Is she noticing some changes? Is she missing me cause I've not been home befor 8 all week?
So this is testing to see if she can still get my attention? To see that I'm still in love? To try to get me to pursue bacause I haven't been? To see if I can be manipulted? To see if she can still exert control? Or some variation of same?
First off, I would stop "wondering" why she's doing what she's doing. It'll drive you nuts.
Just do your own thing, don't let her shifting moods and actions affect you. The next time she's doing physical stuff like that, don't actually engage. Think of her as you would a good friend.
UNLESS you want to start actively flirting with her and see if she pursues.
Bottom line is. You start driving the train instead of letting her steer your actions. Do what YOU want to do. Not what she wants to or how you feel she wants you to act.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
1-I will because it is. I'm getting better at just noting the action rather than trying to interpret. The difficult part is I know I have to also be watching for positive signs that SHE is changing and coming toward the M rather than away. Not sure how I can do that unless she literraly tells me and I doubt that would happen.
2 I'm doing a good job on the GAL'ing and doing my own thing, especially this week. I consider this my first week of being ME for the first time in a long time. As far as her physical invitations, I'm going to defer to Sandi and go with the "cousin" reference. It has a little more "eeew!" in it.
3 I would really like Sandi's take on this comment about flirting with her. Personally, though maybe not this week and my consistency isn't where I want it, I would consider that as a viable "test' since I've noticed I'm even starting to be more flirty on the phone with other women I know.
4 And I have a firm belief that doing what I should rather than what I want is how we got to Sep/D talk in the first place. IMO, our M deteriorated from weak communication skills over what I would call "identity crises" as we became more parents; spouses and 'paycheques' than ourselves. And THAT is who we fell in love with.
I appreciate your assistance. Slowly but surely I'll internalize these instructions and begin to feel much better.
a little venting for tonight. I had a pretty good day. i managed to get some work done. And that's good because my attention span has been 5 mins for about 4 weeks.
However, by the time I got home I was going negative and angry. As much at myself than her. She took D to Candaces (where the B'day party is tomorrow) and texted "...and I may just stay her for the party tomorrow. Not sure." So i asked "did you take the Bouncy castle" "Yep. It's heavy" So, don't pretend you had no intention of staying over if you took tomorrow stuff today.
Also, our provincial lotto is 1x50M plus 55 additional 1M prizes. Her BBMsgr status said ?Be nice to me LottoMax". As i leave work, she says "Get lotto tix. wouldn't it be great to split 50M" Mt first thought is "that'll take the pressure off" hers is 'Split and run theory'. My brain was running overtime at the end of the day so instead of saying "Sure" I text back "If that's what you want" (a line I should reserve for separation paper talk) Dumb.
So I came home and hit the Bowflex to byurn off some anger. Still not thinking nice things. Kind of resentful, actually. So here i sit before showering, just fuming at her.
So tomorrow i have the house to myself, I guess. i'm not cleaning her dinner dishes. She can clean up after herself whenever she comes home.
Got 5000 square feet of lawn to mow tomorrow and then ..... don't know what to do with myself.
hopefully, i'll be in a better mood. My parents' 50th is next weekend and I have D all week. I hope I can keep it together.
Saturday night update I stayed up late reading some threads. I found some good advice on Quicksilvers thread. Been "copying and pasting" things that strike me to a word document. I also watched the MWD video that I think Allen referred to. Might be toucht to try to get W's mom involved in BD'ing. Though from my recollection she hasn't been spending much time with her mom. Mostly "friends". Interesting.
So I did the lawn, washed the car and did some driving in the convertible. A little me time. Tonight I'm cooking steak and shrimp; a little red wine and a fire on the deck. Haven;t heard "boo" from W all weekend.
Fine by me. Though I'd still prefer to know when she is keeping D overnight "somewhere" and not at home. Wondering if she'll be home tonight.
So odd to wonder "if my wife will be home tonight?"
Feeling pretty good. Talked to a freiend/neighbor and his wife about the sitch. They were mildly surprised at how well I'm "dealing with this". I said "Time is my ally. The more I have to work with, the more I can change and the better I can prepare for being on my own again."
