Relationship has been on and off for years. Back in Febuary she didn't call for awhile so I started dating. I guess we always kind of had an agreement silently off course that we would always get back togeather. We have been divorced a long time but lived togeather off and on. Well, we where suppose to get married in June, had just taken a vacation that went great. She called many times and told me I was the only one she could count on and stuff like that. Well, a week ago she called and needed money, she is at her dad's because he is suppose to be very sick. I sent her some money. She called a couple of days later for more money. I know that she does not have any. I got mad and called her some names. It is what I do although not right I know. Well I called her three days later and her dad told me she was visting some friend that she might be getting married to. I freaked out. I have not talked to her but by email and this is what she wrote. He just came back into my life a couple of weeks ago. So no, I havent had a boyfriend in dallas. You talk to me like I am some kind of (edited). I walk on egg shells with you constantly. You constantly put me down, tell me how stupid I am, tell me how big my nose is or how ugly I am without makeup on. When I am home, you sit in front of the computer and gamble all day and night. You tell Katy and I to leave you alone that we bother you. I have been waiting and waiting on you to want to be a family. Your words say you do but your actions say another. I am not a (edited). I just want to be treated right. I am sorry. I know you are hurting. I felt the same way when you went out with those young girls. It hurt me when you moved that crazy girl into my home. It hurt me that you didnt offer to come to Austin when my dad was in critical condition after the wedding. You have your freedom, all your money to spend on yourself and you dont have to talk [censored] about having gay fatherin law. Of course I professed my love for her and told her how wrong and sorry I was. But what now. My plan is to do nothing besides climb the walls.
Well, I just can't handle it. I can't lose my family. I know people are helpless here but I am done. i really do not want to live anymore. The pain is to great and i do not want to live anymore. Don't say see a theropist. I bought a gun last night and fully intend to use it. On me not her. Can't blame her. Things do get better with time but I am not going through months of feeling like this. Just wanted to voice my option. And no, I did not tell her. That would be even more chicken [censored]. Ill take the easy way out and am kind of excited about it.
I'm not going to tell you to "see a therapist." (although I think it would be helpful). What I AM going to tell you is that you were made with a PURPOSE, and that purpose hasn't been fulfilled yet, and so there must be some reason why you are still on this Earth.
You think that ending your life will "show HER," but you'll only be cheating YOURSELF out of some greater purpose that God has in store for you.
You don't need to see anyone, but you SHOULD call a suicide prevention hotline and just TALK to someone. I think they can help you better than people on a divorce message board.
It is really not about showing or hurting her. my depression is the reason we are not togeather. Hope she is happy with her life. I just cant stand mine. And I have been on all the anitdepresents, religion and all that stuff. I am just not ever happy. I worked on myself. Went back and got my MBA last year and thought that would make me feel better but no. Just can't be happy no matter what. not one happy day in years. I have been through cancer and although cured i hurt everyday with pain, i am a professional golfer but cant even focus on that. sometimes it just might be better not to deal with waking up everyday and feeling like crap.
please give yourself one last chance and call a helpline. if you don't know the number, call 911 and ask--they'll give it to you or connect you directly.
you are seeking a permanent, irrevocable solution to a temporary problem. please call a friend or seek help in some other way right now.
you came here for help--that must mean you haven't completely given up. please choose hope.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Many of us have been where you are now. I'll tell you now what others told me in my time of need. Taking your own life does not prove anything to her, nor does it solve any problems. It's not the "easy" way out, there's nothing easy about it.
Like Paul said, you were made for a purpose that has not been fulfilled. Please call a hotline. There is help available. Just call.
It isn't the answer no matter how bad things may seem...
You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: Find a way to reduce your pain, or find a way to increase your coping resources.
Both are possible.
Give yourself some distance.
Say to yourself, "I will wait 24 hours before I do anything." Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn't mean that you have to actually do it right this minute.
Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it's just 24 hours. You have already done it for a few minutes, just by reading this.
You can do it for another few minutes by continuing to read this.
Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging.
People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.
There are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel.
They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what's going on with you. It is okay to ask for help.
((((((Hugs))))))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
We have all had the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness while dealing with all of this. Being hurt by the one person who we love more than anything in the world. It's natural. It would be great to wake up tomorrow and not feel the pain any longer. You can be sure that that day will come.
We are complete strangers to you but we care about you. We are bound by the common themes in all of our situations. Let us help. Come here and get out your frustrations. You will not get judgement or condemnation from anyone here.
Jeff- I am no sure there is anything I can add here except that I am sorry you are hurting so badly. All of us here know your pain. Just know that taking your life serves no purpose. It may take more work to find your happiness but it is buried somewhere within you. Please don't give up trying to find it. Please get some help.
