What I said wasn't fact (that I know of) but it pretty common.

If there is an OW/OM involved a few things have already happened that sadly, we were not made aware of until after the fact. Our spouses spent months silently detaching from us (in most cases while we were living under the same roof and not having a clue). They detached in the most "safe" and "comfortable" way possible. It was by choice, not force.

OW/OM is waiting in the wings. There are no problems with the new person and the love chemicals are flowing. So, you have a detached spouse that detached silently on THEIR timeline and something new and fun waiting for them with open arms.

Take a person who is detached and "in love" and it's not all that easy to be a part of that. IMO of course. You (general you) are very old news at that point and the rewriting of history has already been done. IMO you can be as open and honest and as f'ing fabulous as one person can be but you won't be "new" and your spouse put you out of his heart and mind LONG ago.

It's horrible. Even worse when the WAS is extra nice to you so you will eventually get on board with the divorce and things will wrap up all neat and pretty in a box. And because you actually love this beast of a person you start to think things are turning around and in most cases they are not.

I have never stopped being a friend to my H. But he stopped being my friend a long time ago. Anything legal I did was allowable by law (and I could have taken things much farther but chose not to). But I sure as hell was not going to be bust my ass being his BFF and hang out with him and eat salsa and chips while he watched the clock to make sure he wasn't late for his date with OW. So yeah, in that regard I am a hard ass but I don't suggest ANYBODY work like hell to be a friend to somebody that cheated and left. Be polite, deal with them when you have to and remove yourself from that equation. 'Cause the more you work to *be* part of the equation, the more you will hurt.

If my H really wanted to be my friend he only had to do one simple thing... stop lying. All he had to do was look at me ONE TIME and say "I'm sorry" and NOT follow it with a "but". That would be step 1. I don't care for him to bring me dinner and or text me when he is thinking of me during a nostalgic time. All of that is pure crap. That is not how you put back together something that was shredded. And you especially can't do that when the "shredder" gives you time then goes home to OW.

Maybe that makes me a bitch (well, that and other things smile but NO, NO and NO again. I might not be much but I damn sure know I am better than *that*. And so are all of you.

I cried tonight and that is fine. Our 11 yr annivesary is Sat. and it does make me feel sad. But not sad enough to be a "friend" to the man who cheated on me. Because if you really are sorry you don't keep doing the same thing over and over again. Right?