BA - one margarita coming up! Yeah - I get you. I'm considering the trick might just be, letting her be present without letting myself feel like anything hinges on her. Also considering - as Bill said - the need for self-discipline in minimizing contact, but maybe more importantly, that the interactions are less charged. We'll see. I'm not expecting it to be easy.
Bill - I think the list was in descending order of the power each had in my mind. I do see that each interaction DOES affect me, yes. I don't know how many times I've congratulated myself that I've gotten there, I feel GOOD again! Just to find myself back on my a$$ again. So. My ultimate goal is sustainable peace.
Wii, I will tell her that. "Seeing you is just like a spa day." Actually that does sound like something I'd say to her to make her laugh. Quick aside - that was something she did say the other day, about she missed how much I make her laugh.
SR - yep. I'm not sure I have an outcome I want to see right now. I guess I want to not want. So yes, will take it for what it is. Maybe one day we'll enjoy each other's company without so much heaviness behind it. Maybe now. What will be will be.
NM - thank you. Satisfying life? I think Bill pointed that out already... I have the pieces. I have my boys, I have a career to focus on, I've got friends and hobbies that I really enjoy. So what I mean to say is - for so long now my life has been ABOUT this situation, this divorce. I have enough other stuff for my life to be about. I just need to do it.
