Before you apologize, do some real soul searching first. This is your one and maybe only shot at telling her that you get it. Will it melt her heart? Probably not, but done right it could crack the ice.
If you don't have it, I would get Dr Phil's, Relationship Rescue. It really helped me own my mistakes, not for my H but for me. And, it helps you communicate in new ways so you break old habits. This was key to busting our D.
Maybe put your apology on paper first and post it here. We can help you avoid anything that sounds defensive or pursuing. Your W has been waiting years to hear these words from you. You want to make sure she knows this is from the heart.
