Sometimes I second guess myself on telling her, "I'm sorry, but no," when she met me to ask if we could start being friends. How I would have jumped at that opening at any time to prior to that. But her waiting until six weeks after the D to make that overture just smacked of guilt-assuaging and cake-eating.
I couldn't do it.
...and it probably was guilt-assuaging and cake-eating. that's such a part of the "syndrome."
but you have to remember that you were also confused and in a tremendous amount of pain at the time, and you can only do what you can do. besides, the legal process makes it nearly impossible not to regard each other as adversaries as long as anything is pending. when it's all over--the house sale, etc.--and the dust has settled, then new possibilities might exist.
another favorite quote from Rilke: "A person isn't who they are during the last conversation you had with them - they're who they've been throughout your whole relationship."
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
