IMO that is why my H *had* to change. One individual can't carry all that around and still be the same person they used to be. That is why I don't believe in the "fog". People change for the worse when their actions are so deplorable it is impossible for them to be the same. It's not a fog (IMO), it's the only way they can survive.
I am sure to most people in my H's life they seem the same person they used to see. Very successful at work, funny, smart, thoughtful, romantic easy going and so on. And for a long time he was all those things to me. But once you shred a R (as our H's did) it is impossible to put up two fronts.
Most people here went through remarkable efforts to rebuild their marriages. The harsh reality is as long as their is OW/OM heavily vested in the picture nothing would have mattered. It is terribly sad... not a child, not an incurable illness, not the very idea of breaking a lifelong commitment can make a spouse who feels done take pause.
And we are left with lots of burden and many unanswered questions. The WAS, in most cases, was left with next to no unanswered questions. It's a tough and painful place to be but we all keep trucking.
^^ All of this CityGirl. Spot on.
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
