grace, your story is inspirational. glad to hear you've come to such a positive point in you life. sometimes i am so scared of the unknown. like i keep thinking, how am i supposed to pick up the pieces of my life and move on?
thanks for the piece about not blaming too much. i am just too good at that. and good to know that one thing isn't the kicker. last time i backslid, i moped about it for days so not going to do that this time. i'm human after all!
and jack - i *think i get what you're saying that sometimes a little backslide is ok. one good thing that came out of all this mess is i told H he is my best friend. H response 'wow, you never said that to me before.' i couldn't believe it but he was right.
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Once you have the confidence to know that whatever happens, you have the courage and strength to take care of whatever needs taking care of, the fear just shrinks.
If you're frightened of dying, and you're holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. If you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the Earth. -Jacob's Ladder
Is all about HOW you see things. Perception.
Right now you cannot imagine a life without your husband. Right? Scary?
Later?
Maybe you'll wonder IF you want him in your life, if he is...deserving...and THAT will be the scary thought? What type of changes would you have to make in order to be that Pandora?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Pandora, We're All scared. We may joke and talk large on this site, but if you look at the threads, we all come from a place of fear, of anger, of desperation. I know I do. I miss my H with all my heart, but I know when he was here he was making me miserable, too. Hang in there (((HUGS)))
Right now you cannot imagine a life without your husband. Right? Scary?
yup and YES!! this has been by far the hardest thing i've ever dealt with and by most opinions, not the worst of what i've been through.
hmmm...to be that pandora...
get a life. literally.
enjoy life. don't let it pass me by pining away for someone who really isn't there anymore. and in all honesty, he wasn't the best H out there. not saying it in a mean way but i need to start facing the truth about him too.
really appreciate the good in my life now. i have great friends, good health, financial stability, a career, and my sanity.
move forward and let go. realize that life goes on, with or without me. know that i will make it. i'm strong and resilient...i need to ignite that part of me again.
trusting that there is something better out there for me.
not being defined by M. am i sad i can't have more kids right now, yes. i would love to have a family but understand maybe that's not for me now.
conquer my fears - these include the following: fear that i failed. fear that H will re-marry someone else, have children and be so happy. fear that i will be alone
knowing that God is always there...so i don't have to put everything on me
and in all of that, find things that bring meaning to my life. and in turn bring new meaning to my life.
If you were to set goals to achieve these things, where would you start? What is one thing you could do tomorrow that would put you one step closer to one of these goals?
It's ok to start small and it's ok when you fall. I always learn more from my failures so, I don't worry to much about them anymore.
BTW, "failure" is an event, not a person and not you.
I view being scared the same way I view crying. It's ok, just never let it stop you from doing what you need to do.
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conquer my fears - these include the following: fear that i failed. fear that H will re-marry someone else, have children and be so happy. fear that i will be alone
Sweetie, you can't focus on the fear. These things may or maynot come about. It's all about perspective. Let me put a spin on the "fear that I will be alone". I'm 52, and not the smartest, most successful, prettiest or wittiest one in the room. Yet, I have a choice in whether I wind up alone or not. And let me tell you, I do know how to light up a room. It's just genuine joy over connecting with people.
And what does alone look like to you? Married? With a lover? Close friends? I am the luckiest person I know. I come in contact with the most amazing people. I'm not alone and don't think I ever will be, not really.
It takes time and effort to reframe how you think about these things. Don't think it happens overnight for anyone here.
grace - thank ya! i get calm just reading your posts. and you do light up a room...even here on the internet!
i'm not sure? here are some things that have helped me in the past to feel better about myself.
exercising, especially swimming
not talking about my sitch all the time. the days i have gone w/o talking about it have been so freeing. it somehow allows my brain to switch off from obsessing. those days are filled with really positive interactions with loved ones and strangers and then the day turns out quite nicely.
do these count? i also have been thinking about your other question...a bigger goal that i can think of and i'm having a hard time thinking of one for now. so i'll give myself time on that.
thanks for the piece about the fear. you all can see that so much of my panic is being driven by fear. my C tells me i have to smash my crystal ball since it is never right (its an ongoing joke we have now). i'm so good about catastrophizing and the reality is never as bad as i had imagined.
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Don't think it happens overnight for anyone here.
i can't wait till i'm past all this. i am confident in that...that i will get past this (not that i have a choice anyways!). and likely come out stronger in the end. i just wish i could be there already...you know? and on my good days (like today is better for me), i can imagine the light at the end of the tunnel...but on bad days, well i'm sure you know what that looks like so need to explain.
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BTW, "failure" is an event, not a person and not you.
do these count? i also have been thinking about your other question...a bigger goal that i can think of and i'm having a hard time thinking of one for now. so i'll give myself time on that.
Everyting counts. There were days when my goal was to get out of bed! Talk about a big goal, and at the time it was huge.
You have a crystal ball? I have a magic 8 ball and I could read minds don't cha know (NOT!). Things are always worse in our minds. I don't know why we play "worse case scenario", I'm sure it's some sort of defense mechanism. Personally, I think that the Universe (or God) takes it as a personal challenge. So how about a rousing game of...what's the best that can happen??
