Matilda, The dancing continues to go well. We took a Latin Dip class that involved leading my W into sexy and graceful dips. She was quite impressed with me. Once I knew what to do, it wasn't difficult. Tango is helping me to express myself in ways I normally don't.
My W is emotional about her job loss. I'm giving her some latitiude around this issue, but will talk honestly about money when the need arises.
We're taking a dance vacation in late September with members of our studio. She mentioned to me that she wanted to take a trip with other people. She doesn't get enough social needs met when it's the two of us. I didn't voice any objection when she told the instructors that we would join them for the trip. My W was also suggesting a Puerto Rico trip, which I'm not on board with yet. I'll let her look into it, but wonder how it will be paid for. I've learned that it's best to let my W percolate her ideas, rather than try to control them.
She and I went to our second yoga class this past week. My W loves the yoga teacher, who has a calming, gentle approach. We also plan on attending Pilates. My W has noticed an increase in tone in just one week of exercise. I'm going to look into swim lessons as I've never been able learn how to tread water or float.
I'm hoping the addition of the fitness club, and our involvement with the dance studio will help us both manage the unemployment stressor.
I'm back to reading and learning the craft of writing poetry. This is my private hobby separate from my wife. I also go to ballroom venues without my W. She doesn't have an issue with this, and doesn't want to keep me from it, just because she doesn't want to go.
CL
CL,
The Latin and other forms of dancing keeps you guys connection pretty good? It sounds like you and your wife have a pretty exciting life as far as marrieds go.
ON doing things out the country and the such. We should be able to do some of this without our relationship partner, but most of it should be done with them or with them in mind. I'd try to get with her on that Peurto Rico trip.
Hey CL Buddy, Sorry I have not been around much. School has really bogged me DOWN. I also got some not so good news from the doctor. Had to take some tests last Monday... will not know the outcome for 7 more days... Sounds like you left me in the dust buddy. I am sooo Happy things are working out for you. Keep it up. I envy you very much. I have not posted because I feel so overwhelmed at this time with EVERYTHING. Kinda living day by day right now... Hope to catch up with ya soon
Your DB buddy Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Hey CL Buddy, Sorry I have not been around much. School has really bogged me DOWN. I also got some not so good news from the doctor. Had to take some tests last Monday... will not know the outcome for 7 more days... Sounds like you left me in the dust buddy. I am sooo Happy things are working out for you. Keep it up. I envy you very much. I have not posted because I feel so overwhelmed at this time with EVERYTHING. Kinda living day by day right now... Hope to catch up with ya soon
Your DB buddy Doc
Doc: Hate to hijack CL's thread but hope that you have some much better news to pass on to us next week. We'll keep you in our prayers...
Me 52, STBEX 52 D 17, S 12 M 20 years Em Sep since 2002, Phys Sep Sept 2009
"Doc: Hate to hijack CL's thread but hope that you have some much better news to pass on to us next week. We'll keep you in our prayers..."
I'll highjack, too. Thinking of you!
CL, thinking of you, too. Glad to hear you are finding time for the poetry. You seem to find a balance with doing things toward moving your relationship forward while maintaining things that nourish your soul.
Jo, Matilda, Doc, and DB Friends, My W's work is ending next week, so her anxiety may increase. I haven't brought-up any money discussions at this time. My W will move the cooking job to Monday, to free up her weekends for recreation and self-care. We watch the clock at the fitness club on Sunday, and now will be able to take our time.
She is wanting a week in Puerto Rico this summer. I hope she's planning on paying for it, because I don't have a vacation fund. I'm letting her percolate her ideas, and am not being an obstructionist. She is planning from a budget mindset (rooms with window AC versus hotels). The idea is to get there and put resources towards the beach, food and dancing.
She called me last week and told me there was an opening on the Cha Cha performance team, and that she signed us up. I knew she wanting to be on this team, so didn't make a fuss about not being consulted. We're on three performance teams (Hustle, Tango, Cha Cha). The Cha Cha song is Chain of Fools by Aretha Franklin. She said that the teacher told her that I have grown a great deal in the six months I've been at the studio.
She and I have been going to a yoga and Pilates class weekly at our newly joined fitness club. After class, we head to the pool. This is new behavior for both of us--taking two exercise classes per week, and exercising together on a regular basis.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Cl Buddy, Sorry to hear about W job. YES give her some space. I do not know how long she has been working but I was laid off after 28 years. I needed some time to think. Luckily I had a good severance package.
It will be 1 year since I was laid off on June 30th. I was devastated. Only thing worse was when I found out about W affair. Luckily there was some time between the two.
You sound good. Take things day by day. My W was laid off two years before me and still has not had a perm ant job. I am starting to mention things about "It's time to start looking" A question though… does it cost money to belong to all these dance groups? Be careful with your wife having time on her hands and wanting to join more if so. ALSO even though you are working make an effort to do things with wife while she is out of work. You don’t want her to get “bored” if you know what I mean. Take care Doc (no highjack this time)
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Matilda, My W says that the Cha Cha team is the one she was waiting for. We're lucky there was an opeing, as the group is limited to four couples.
Our star is rising at the dance studio. Our instructor looks astonished at what my W and I have accomplished each time we see him for a lesson. It's probably a combination of all the hours of lessons, social dancing, and some natural talent that contributes to our success.
My W's last day of work is this week. I think she's handling it well. She is meeting with a friend who is a writer to draft a letter of recommendation from her employer. She mentioned that it's helpful having the dance and fitness activities to fill her time.
I met a swim instructor at our fitness club, and told him about my lack of comfort in water. I felt comfortable with him and asked him to provide private instruction to me. My W and I have been visiting the pool after our yoga class. This would give me an opportunity to practice what I'm taught in lessons.
My W and I had our first lesiurely Sunday in years, as she changed the cooking day to Monday. I still cook the meat, but we no longer have a Sunday deadline to meet. My W will handle the vegetables, packing, and drop on her own. We spent a leisurely Sunday afternoon of yoga, swimming, talking to the swim instructor, and going to lunch.
My W has noticed my increased investment of time in the relationship, calling it choosing to be a companion. She has reciprocated by making me vegetable trays for snacking.
We have been sleeping together in the main room. We both seem avoidant of any sexual activity.
I think a level of platonic connection has been established that we've never had before. This can only ripen the time for increased intimacy, which my W and I will have to navigate together.
The "Booundaries in Marriage" book has been helpful. I like the advice of keeping honesty in the relationship and not attempting to control one's spouse.
She has plans to go on a motorcycle day trip with a retired man who is the boyfriend of one of her friends. I don't think it's appropriate for her to do so, but chose not to say that. I did raise questions about the character of this person, letting her know my concerns for the potential of this person being inappropriate with her. She said she had the same concerns. She is being transparent about it, so won't say anything further.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
