Several weeks ago, he texted me from work that he wanted to come and talk to me. That he felt sick over everything. He wanted to tell me the truth and not have me hear it from anyone else. He didn't know if I could ever forgive him and he felt stupid for letting things go as far as they had. I have been praying daily for some kind of positive change and it finally appeared to be happening. We talked and he admitted that he had slept with the other woman one time a couple of weeks ago and he felt terrible. He didn't know why he did it other than he was drunk and it meant nothing to him. He was done with her. I already assumed that he had been with her so this was not news to me but I was of course hurt. I told him that in time I could forgive him and he said thank you. I asked him what he wanted from me other than that, and he said he was unsure at this point.
(((RRRRNNNNNGGGG!!!))))) "NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"
You had this backwards. This is where you blew it. You only get so many remorseful/contrite/"what-will-it-take?" moments with a cheating spouse. At these moments, your FIRST response (for anywhere from one day to several weeks) needs to be "I'm no so sure what I want anymore," and THEN your response needs to be a short list of absolutely DEALBREAKERS -- Boundaries of Personal Integrity -- that YOU need from HIM in order to let him back into your marriage and your home!!
