Not sure if the order was significant or not. Or perhaps only significant in a subconscious way. Regardless...
Finding balance in you is quite likely the key to being able to move forward with numbers one and two.
The ending of a marriage, particularly if it was a bit of surprise, pretty much knocks your feet out from under you. I know that I was next to worthless from about September 2006 till January 2007. It took that long (and understand that I was completely separate from my ex that whole time) to get to the point that I felt like any semblance of my old self.
The biggest hurdle for me was accepting that it was over, and agreeing that my life would still go on and be good.
Emotional and mental stability is necessary before you can begin to deal with just about anything in a productive, non-reactionary way. Remember that we spend literally months in react mode - doing our best to weather the daily storms that are tossed our way.
For me, the three biggest assets were faith, work, and my boys. Placing my focus in those three areas never let me down. Moreover, I found that I could affect positive things in each of those areas, and that helped to restore my confidence and self-esteem.
And it was definitely true during that time that the less I had to do with my ex, the better I was. Almost without fail, every interaction, whether good or bad, eventually backfired on me and left me scrambling to recover.
Now the caveat for you is this - it was clear to me that I had no future with my ex. Reconciliation was never an option or an issue, so I never had to worry about any juggling act in doing everything I could to minimize our interactions.
Your road may be a bit tougher in that regard.
But I'll say this as regards your wife - minimizing interactions (the "just for the hell of it" phone calls for example) are a matter of self-discpline and seeing the reduced contact as part of your plan for personal stability. But you are going to have some interactions, for the boys if for no other reason. Also, you'll find it hard to keep her from contacting you as well. So when faced with an interaction, just don't burn bridges. Reign in your emotions and put aside expectations, just focus on the moment and be honest and real.
I still see promise and hope in your relationship with your wife. But I fully agree that now may not be the time to be focusing any of your time or emotions in that direction.
Stability. Forgiveness. Life.
and then maybe...
a future.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
