No one incident is usually the kicker. When you backslide use it as a tool to teach yourself how you want to act and be as a person. Did you act with the integrity and grace you wanted to? If not, how would you have handled it differently? This is where breathing before react comes in handy. Is is easy to learn to do? For me it wasn't. I did learn though.
Quote:
Fear is the mind killer.
Once you have the confidence to know that whatever happens, you have the courage and strength to take care of whatever needs taking care of, the fear just shrinks. I had lost this confidence. It took time to get it back.
Quote:
You are changing for the better. If he want's to play this bullsh!t card so be it. That is out of your control, just don't start owning too much of the blame here.
You sound alot like I was. Taking too much blame. Too much being the operative words. Am I to blame? Yes. For everything? No.
Alot of people think they are detached and I would argue that early on they really aren't. After you've been with someone for so many years, how easy is it to detach esp if you have to see them b/c of kids? Not that easy. I can really only speak for myself though.
Quote:
hi grace, so you're still with H? what happened in your sitch? i'm so in awe of you and the strength you have shown.
No sweetie, I am still legally married. My H is totally divorced form me emotionally. My H hasn't lived in my home for more than 2 years. Do I see him still? Yep, every weekend when he comes to visit our D's. Do we get along? Almost all of the time. Why? Me. Is ther a chance in he11? Doesn't matter. It isn't strength so much as stubborness. I grew up without knowing my Dad. Wanted better for our D's. I'm not a saint, martyr or anything else along those lines. I just recognize that it would be tragic for D's to lose their Dad and my behavior has alot to do with that.
What my life has become is nothing short of amazing. Not b/c I don't have problems (raising teenage D's, financial, job etc), like everyone else I do. Not b/c I don't still get scared sometimes. The diference is, I trust me. You've got to put your past in your behind (think Lion King ) and go forward.
After all, life is short, if you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space. I'm ony slightly joking here.
You can do this. 3 years ago, I was where you are. Now? Well, I may not be sure where I'm headed, but man, what a view!!
) and go forward. 
