Time for a new thread. And like last time using a song that seems to capture where I am. Hopefully that’s not too corny.
I have been vocalizing the cacophony in my head and have been inconsistent in my behavior. So now – I want to calm my thoughts and get to work. I want to force an inflection point. So that's the reason to - regroup.
Where I am: - Divorce agreement has been signed, waiting for the final papers to arrive in the mail. - We have 50/50 custody, and my boys essentially live with me, they see their mom during the day. - Getting the finances in shape, it’s painful but I think it’s going to be OK. Need to refi the house, still need to transfer the identified assets to XW actually. - XW and I are all over the place now. She’s having a hard time. We spend time together, we don’t spend time together, every day and every week is different. A mutual friend has told me that she still has… hope? Not quite the right word. - I’m swinging back and forth between missing her badly and being angry.
What I want to focus on now: - Forgiveness. Letting go of the pain and anger, and keeping it from informing my behavior. - Building a satisfying life for myself – and this is going to include being able to be alone without dwelling on the sadness, to be able to be complete. For this to no longer be what my life is about. - Building a relationship with XW – yes – that is not based on the wreckage of our marriage. Meaning – is not based on wanting her to come home. That is not based on need, or repair, or wanting anything from her. That is not based on me rescuing her, or her needing me. That is not based on any expectations. Maybe that relationship is sparse – meaning we’re co-parents – and maybe it’s full – meaning we’re friends. Maybe there is a long-term path to reconciliation. But thinking about it too much will not be productive. - Being steady. Developing resilience. Staying calm. Coping with the bad moments.
