Puppy beat me to the punch. Exactly what I was thinking as I read your post. This is a mistake many early DBer's make, including myself. Too much talk, too much promise of future action. If you see areas you were deficient in, you don't need her approval to start working on them, just do it. Let her notice the changes, and even if she comments on them, just act casual about them. You're probably thinking "How will she see it if we're apart?" You have kids together, your lives are intertwined in many ways. She'll have plenty of opportunity to see your changes, and if you just start doing them without saying anything, she'll see them as sincere, rather than manipulation. By the way, the changes will only stick if they are sincere.
Also, don't be so quick to take blame. Validate her feelings, sure, but just leave it at that. I'm amazed how my W eventually pointed the finger at herself just as much as at me for our difficulties. From what you've written, you were a basically good husband and father who chose to spend some time alone sometimes rather than go with his family to do things. Hardly a capital offense. The WAW mind vicously tries to dig up and use these "past offenses" as justification for their behavior. Don't blindly buy into it. I did, and I took way too much blame. Thankfully, my W didn't really buy it from me either, and now jokes about some of these supposedly horrible things I did in the past.
I don't think you should have this "talk" with her at all, verbally or otherwise. If you do, and then start to show changes, she's much more apt to see it as manipulation. You want to SHOW her you've "seen the light". Talk is cheap.
