This is what I've come up with thus far - in blue:
How are you doing? I think I over did it last night. My left calf is killing me and it affects how I walk. I’m going to take a few nights off from that. Probably a good idea. Sorry it's hurting - can try some motrin and put some stuff on it and maybe sit in the tub would be a good .
No, this is blatant pursuit... giving him advice on how to care for his poor calf isn't gonna help, you are walking right into his pocket...
Originally Posted By: SunnyD
That was my attempt at small talk. :o) Nothing wrong with small talk. :-)
I would just ignore this one too...
Originally Posted By: SunnyD
Maybe we should talk about things. I know they are not where you want them and I wonder how long you can go with things as they are.
You have made huge improvements and I don’t want you to think they have gone unnoticed. Thank you for your efforts. :o)
Thank you for noticing. I do feel better about myself than I have in a LONG time. I know I can reach my goals instead of doubting myself or feeling hopeless. It's a very good feeling in that regard. Are things with you and I where I want them? No - you're right, they aren't. For the most part, I've just been doing as we discussed before and focusing on me though. I have no idea where you are at in your thoughts so I would love to hear them. I have been thinking a lot on what a healthy relationship is and how it looks - how it feels - how it sounds - all of that - and that's what I want.
If we both want a healthier marriage we both need to learn how to do that - I will be attending family therapy and doing the necessary readings... I am determined to be an adult about our situation.
Am I happy about the rebelliousness and the secret keeping?
No, its blantantly destructive to a healhty household and I dont' want it in my home.
Am I going to stop you? No... I am going to be an adult and do my 50% of the work like I should be.
I don't want to talk. We don't know how to repair this on our own, few people do know how.. that's why they have professionals who know how and do a great job... When my car is broken I take it to an auto mechanic, when my leg is broken I take that to a medical professional... our marriage is broken.. that needs a family therapist... Netiher one of us are so I will be taking our marriage to a family therapist.
I will be making regular visits to learn how to improve our marriage.
When I am comfortable with you attending I will let you know... But right now I will be going on my own...
Originally Posted By: SunnyD
Do you want to share your thoughts now? Is it easier to write it down or talk in person? I don't have a problem with us talking in person, but often I find I communicate better in writing for some reason... in conveying my true feelings. Of course, that's assuming they are read on the receiving end as they are intended while I'm writing. :-)
Me
Right now I don't want to talk about anything serious in person. If you have anything constructive to say please put it in writing.
Right now I don't want to talk about anything serious in person. If you have anything constructive to say please put it in writing.
If we both want a healthier marriage we both need to learn how to do that - I will be attending family therapy and doing the necessary readings... I am determined to be an adult about our situation.
Am I happy about the rebelliousness and the secret keeping?
No, its blantantly destructive to a healthy household and I dont' want it in our home.
Am I going to stop you? No... I am going to be an adult and do my 50% of the work like I should be.
I don't want to talk. We don't know how to repair this on our own, few people do know how.. that's why they have professionals who know how and do a great job... When my car is broken I take it to an auto mechanic, when my leg is broken I take that to a medical professional... our marriage is broken.. that needs a family therapist... Netiher one of us are so I will be taking our marriage to a family therapist.
I will be making regular visits to learn how to improve our marriage.
When I am comfortable with you attending I will let you know... But right now I will be going on my own...
Its a fair but firm letter.. and the idea of telling him he is NOT WELCOME in family therapy will throw him off his throne for sure.. he wont likley say it, but he will be irritated he's not welcome there...
That's just too damn bad...
Start collecting good articles on rebuilding a marriage, print them up and leave them at YOUR desk and work area in a folder...
He will snoop and read them.. Highlight the spots you want him to know ...
Just keep doing that.. its a very subtle way of educating him with him saving face...
It is sent so we shall see! Good idea about the articles. Although, I have to say - he doesn't snoop around at all... I guess because I'm an open book and no need to.
Either way, its time for you to start living a healthy life and setting an example for him....
The FT articles are just a start. Begin collecting lots of interesting stuff, but don't SHARE it with him... shut him out... If he wants to be part of the marriage he has to work for it... if you chase him with the marriage like its a baseball bat he's not going to cooperate with you...
So, start enjoying yourself and your marriage without him.. take the kids out and exclude him... make dinner for you and the kids and don't make him any...
start showing him what divorce is going to feel like...
Or he's good at snooping and you haven't caught him yet..
That could be - although, I have nothing to hide. Well, I do hide my DR book and my Love Must be Tough book - because I don't want him to know what I'm up to. The only other thing I hide are emails from a male friend of mine because we are constantly discussing H. Totally platonic (he's gay) I might add!!! lol
