Whenever there is a "sudden" change in the WAW (in an A) wanting to see if she still has the M as her back-up plan....then my first thoughts are that OM wants to pull out of the R.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Whenever there is a "sudden" change in the WAW (in an A) wanting to see if she still has the M as her back-up plan....then my first thoughts are that OM wants to pull out of the R.
Agree. This, or some combination of this and financial fear.
Hard to say. He could have dumped her. They could have mutually agreed to "cool it for awhile," based on your recent pressure (this would be my personal guess). Or she could have broken things off with him, fearing she's losing you and/or fearing her financial future as a divorced woman, and just doesn't want to give you the satisfaction of telling you that (how can you admit you broke off something that never was??).
WHICHEVER it is, it really wouldn't change your strategy or tactics any.
Holy cow!!! I spent the morning at work reading this entire thread and it sounds almost exactly the same as my situation, right down to the house, except that my wife doesn't work with the EA man. I have learned so much reading this and applaud all of you heartily for the advice you are giving. FFH is a few steps ahead of me and it is great to be able to see how this works in real life, in real time, right before muy eyes and to see all of the support you guys are willing to give! I don't know how you do it, but thank you, thank you, thank you sooooo much. You are our salvation!
I am getting quickly to this point in my situation. I just have to get the detachment thing right. I have pursued heavily for 5 month and still feel very needy. I feel like I can't go on without my wife, but I know I have to get past that.
Good luck FFH and hang tough! You can do this. You are strong.
What do YOU think has brought about this turn of events from FFH's wife? Did he give her money? Send her nice notes and letters? Be nice to her? Or was it something else??
Something else. Being a man, but can that work without me apologizing in terms of her biggest issue? My selfishness. And I am beginning to understand that unfortunately,I really have been, even though I didn't see it. I'm back on my thread now.
Something else. Being a man, but can that work without me apologizing in terms of her biggest issue? My selfishness.
Yes, you can. Own it, verbally -- ONCE. Maybe twice. And then just LIVE OUT YOUR CHANGES BEFORE HER, never commenting on it again, other than a "thank you" if SHE notices it, and compliments you on it.
Well, I just took about 10 steps backwards.... My W somehow roped me into the R talk and we are back on the D topic. She didn't think I was sincere enough when she opened up to me and said she wants to work on things.
I tried to follow the advice on here and keep things light and tell her that I didn't know the answer to that and I need time. Well that backfired on me...... We finally calmed down and we talked about the future and if this is worth saving.
She said she "thinks she loves me"... WTF.....
She agreed to goto the MC on Saturday so we'll see how that goes.
M: 36 W: 29 S: 2.5 EA: 2/2010 OM1 D Bomb: 3/2010 PA: 6/2010 OM2 W moved out 8/2010 Loc: DE, USA
