Re-Connecting

[Puppy Dog Tails]

She initiated the conversation several times through out the night. . . .

So you have "taught" her that if she just badgers you long enough, you will acquiesce and give her what she wants.

[Fightingforher]

I know I collapsed under the pressure. I just feel so overwhelmed by all of this.

[Fightingforher]

What do you suggest I do to repair the damage?

[Greek]

What's done is done.

Going forward ~~~

Tell her today that she will discontinue her phone plan and you will put her on yours.

ASK HER to describe for you how she will manage a professional relationship with OM at work. The ideal would be for her to quit her job and find another so there is not contact at work. But I can see how that would be difficult. Some professions are very limited and job hopping is not so easy - also geography limits one, too - but anyway...ask her to define for you the nature of the relationship as COLLEAGUES that they HAVE TO HAVE. Listen carefully. This will be your reference point if you ever need to take a look at their interaction again. Example - if she says they would have to attend weekly staff meetings together; there may be work related email; possible phone calls during business hours ~ then you can require email access to monitor that, she'll be on your plan so you'll know if calls look "un-business-like", and if there are other "meetings", you can call her on it. Make sense?

Have you asked about counseling together?

How will things be different for y'all? Are you clear on that?

Greek

[Fightingforher]

I will have to look into putting her back on my plan. She has agreed to MC, she said she will do anything to save this. She has had this job for 10 years and gets paid very well for what she does.

If we do fully reconcile it could hurt us financially if she were to move jobs.

[Greek]

I will have to look into putting her back on my plan. She has agreed to MC, she said she will do anything to save this. She has had this job for 10 years and gets paid very well for what she does.

If we do fully reconcile it could hurt us financially if she were to move jobs.

So what is the bare professional minimum contact she would have to have in order to stay there AND honor the marriage?
Greek

[Greek]

I will have to look into putting her back on my plan. She has agreed to MC, she said she will do anything to save this. She has had this job for 10 years and gets paid very well for what she does.

If we do fully reconcile it could hurt us financially if she were to move jobs.

WHAT CHANGED? Why now? Do you know?
Greek

[Fightingforher]

I don't know what changed, i'm curious myself why the sudden change of heart. I've been very detached and GAL, I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it.

[Fightingforher]

My W told me that she wants to work on the marriage because she desn't want to look back and think we couldv'e made this work. She wants us both to be happy. She wants our son to be happy. She agrees that she wasn't perfect in the R but we both need to work on the existing issues.

[Greek]

My W told me that she wants to work on the marriage because she desn't want to look back and think we couldv'e made this work. She wants us both to be happy. She wants our son to be happy. She agrees that she wasn't perfect in the R but we both need to work on the existing issues.

OK. I can relate to this.
Greek