help with a plan

[silentspring2]

[quote] I wish I could jump ahead in time and find out if this waiting for her is worth it or if she's still playing me for a fool.

Wow, you said a mouthful there idontunderstand. This life in limboland is so exhausting, isn't it? I feel the same in my own situation with WAH. All we can do is hang in there, take the high road, GAL and be there 100 percent for our kids, I guess.

[idontunderstand]

SS2, you are right, it is exhausting.

I made so many mistakes in the beginning of this mess and I think it set me back maybe too far. I think I'm paying for my mistakes, now. Mistakes I made in the M and mistakes I made when the bomb dropped. No one to blame but myself.

I still have a glimmer of hope. I often times think it would be better not to. If she would leave or file or whatever, my path of what to do seem like it would be clearer.

This is all so confusing at times. I hope things are good for you and also hope you are a better student than I was in the beginning.

[idontunderstand]

Journaling:

W had a twins club meeting last night.(She is president of the club) I met her half way and swapped kids as we usually do. She said she was going to the mall after meeting to buy me some shorts for work. I said thanks, see you later.

We got home and cut grass and caught lightning bugs, played, took showers and went to bed. I was coming out of the bathroom and W was in bedroom getting undressed. She said she just got home and went into the bathroom. I got ready for bed and lay down, she came out and walked out of the room. No good-night. No big deal.

This morning, I left about 1 1/2 hr early for work. Our ice maker is broken and I need to get a part to get it fixed. W was on couch and I woke her and told her I was leaving. "Is anything even open? Why are you leaving so early?" Then she grunted, waved her hand in my direction, as if to say get out of here, and rolled back over. I had to make a couple of stops but I did get the part ordered.

I am as polite as possible and am making an extra effort to not wonder what is going on in her mind. She can be an a$$ to me but if I am short or silent to her, look out!

[flowmom]

I wish I could jump ahead in time and find out if this waiting for her is worth it or if she's still playing me for a fool.

IDU, don't see yourself as waiting, because that mentally puts her in control. See yourself as a man with a choice...and if you choose to strategically delay action in order to be able to live without regrets in the future, that's something you're doing for you. You don't need to crystal ball. You're a good man doing your best ((( hugs ))).

[silentspring2]

don't see yourself as waiting, because that mentally puts her in control. See yourself as a man with a choice...

Nicely said, flowmom. That change in perspective is SO hard to achieve, but it makes all the difference in the world ... for ourselves, not for our relationships. And when things are as messed up as they are for us at the moment, that's the far more important thing.

[LSG]

IDU,

Maybe not try to be too polite would be a 180 for you. Just be yourself and do not worry about how W will react because it seems you have it bad not matter what.

The grunting and waving of the hand is a little inconsiderate.

I wish you the best. I hope you will keep doing what is right for you in your sitch. You deserve to be treated with much more respect from your W.

[idontunderstand]

FM, it's always good to hear from you! You're right; I do have a choice and I am choosing to try to salvage my M and, eventually, make it better than it was before. I'm not getting any cooperation. I will keep trying without being pushed around and taken advantage of. The disrespect is really getting hard to take. The grunts, no talking, NO communication, etc. I can't make her talk to me, nor do I try. I have to continually choose to ignore her petty behavior as long as she is respecting the boundaries that have been laid out. For the past month, maybe a little longer, she has been. No staying out late, letting me know where she is going, etc. We'll see how much longer I can give it.

SS2-thanks for stopping by. I hope you are doing okay. Please listen and heed all the great advice that you are being given and save yourself some of this heartache. I wish I would have been a quicker study.

LSG-you have come such a long way and I'm very proud of you. Keep up the good work! I get the feeling I will be exactly where you are very soon. I'm scared but somehow okay with it at the same time. I will keep on trying to do what's best for my family.

Thanks again to all.

[idontunderstand]

Journaling

When I got home from work last night, I played with the kids for a while and ate supper. W still cooks, not really for me but for the kids and she does enjoy cooking. I helped clean off the table and load the dishwasher. Made a little small talk. I told her I had to run to a friends house to pick up some band equipment and to download some songs we had to practice. We have dial-up internet and cannot download music. She instantly turned pissy. I tried asking her about work and how her vollyball camp was going and she gave me the grunt and walked outside.

I told the kids 'bye and left. She avoided me and I did not seek her out to tell her good-bye. I went and did my stuff, practiced a little bit and was home by midnight. (I left aroung 8:00)

As I was getting ready to leave this morning, W asked what time I got home last night. I told her around midnight and then said see ya tonight. I think she maybe mumbled okay.

If I ask her what time she gets in, it's a whole different ballgame. I told her the truth and didn't ask why she wanted to know or what did it matter. She does not like it when I go out even though I have never stayed out as late as she has and I am never in the company of a divorced, single woman.

I am staying by choice. I don't know how long I can last. It's my choice to try. Thanks for pointing that out, Flowmom.

[Barkley]

sigh.....i hear ya brother

[sandi2]

told her I had to run to a friends house to pick up some band equipment and to download some songs we had to practice.

She asked what time you got home, too. Have you tried to be a bit more vague/mysterous of your activities? You don't lie, but be more..."general" so that it would make her wonder what's really going on. She needs to be interested in your life. Don't be so fast to give her a play by play.