Great news about going to see your Mom. Sorry it's under these circumstances.
I disagree with telling Mila to cut the rope with OWH... what I do agree with is J3B's post.
It's up to YOU Mila. Only you know if it's unhealthy. However, it's truly hard to be honest with yourself. Think long and hard on this one and come up with your own answer. They are all right in that IF it's coming back to you, haunting you in any way, it's unhealthy. I am one that can be presented with facts and not let it eat away at me. I'll just shelf it and wait for it to be useful to me. I'm very detached from that. I practice that every day in my life, especially with my teens. Some people think about and relive facts once they are presented to them.
And as for the house access, I think at this point (if it were me) I'd find a way to drop it and not let it bother me. He's doing it to control you as well as say he's still part of D's life and can't be kept out. Instead (because I like to poke the tiger) I would do some remodeling. I'd change things around in the house, paint, change colors, etc. That way, you're not keeping him from seeing D when he wants to but ARE sending a very strong message that this is no longer his house, and yes, you are moving forward without him.
