Thank you everyone for your replies I already know that this is a warm welcoming place to be , and thats just what I need right now
Pilot - thank you SO much for the links, I will delve into them asap
Jack - Its so nice to hear things from a male perspective, we are like chalk and cheese, and it really helps when you want to try feel what the other person is feeling.
And ,yes, he is an active person, and I'm an academic, I'm not lazy, but I'm just no the sporty type - he was attracted to me because of my 'intellegence,class and fiesty-ness'. Never had a problem with my not being active, and if he did , he never told me so If that was the case Dunno He's like a shut clam at the moment.
After our son was born, I was terrified, I had no family to help me, and I didnt have the foggiest clue how to look after a baby, and when he distanced himself and became scarce, I felt like the well being of this baby rested on me and me alone - so I did focus every ounce of energy on S for the first year, becasue I felt if I screwed this up (the survival of a little person), it would be MY fault. Babies are alot tougher than I thought, but there was no one there to tell me that.
I think it DID add to the issue. I have aslo read several articles (I am an academic!) that state that men who feel that they have been abandoned by THEIR mothers (true of my H), are set up for a MLC, or at least some kind of emotional turmoil when a child of their own is born (the mother figure - now me - is abandoning them all over again). I dont know if this is true, but it seems to sit right.
I did make mistakes in the marriage, I was too giving, I feel. I looked after S and him, before ever thinking of me, for a long time.I was a bit of a doormat towards the end.The resentment from him not helping me with S built up slowly.
As the resentment build, and as he strted spending more time away from home, my affection for him dwindled, in and out the bedroom. This was one of the things he told me he was unhappy about when he left - he was always initiating sex. I told him that it was becasue he had distanced himself emotionally, and he said , but dont you want to have sex just for sex? I mean really That just hurt.
But it was nothing that soulnt be talked about, I was just giving him breathing room with his new business for a while, before telling him we needed work.
He made his own mistakes too. Apart from not helping with S, he spoke to me disrespectfully over the years, which left scars over time, he was constantly splurging with money to make himself happy (gadgets and toys)- he is very materialistic - from his upbringing.
He didnt spend quality time with me from when S was born. I think this is where I started feeling his love for me dip.
None of these - I felt - was worth throwing our marriage and love away
He struggles a bit inside, emotionally, and always has done. He is conttntly trying to 'gain respect' from people, and he feels the only way to get peoples respect is by having a powerful career position, dressing expensivly, and driving an expensive car to look the part. He has always seeked his parents approval - which they never gave easily. He has resentment to his teachers at school, often used to say , I'll show them all sort of thing.
Anyway, I try so hard to make sense of it all, but in doing so I forget to look after me. Which I'm getting better at. Its difficult becasue I have never been happy until I find the answer to something, it will drive me nuts, until I find THE ANSWER. Thing is - I dont think there is one here.
Anyway I could go on forver, but about to run out for some me time at the gym, get those happy juices flowing a bit.Or try at least
I already know that this is a warm welcoming place to be , and thats just what I need right now 
If that was the case 