Husband left me 3 months pregnant...

[newmama]

Do you suggest I come up with a parenting plan rather than let him decide whats best.

YES! You can see if your county has a website for drafts of parenting plans-- mine was on my county's court website under family law.

And you can tell him it is a draft.And make sure you cite where you got it. Might want to leave some wiggle room...agree to add some more hours or something. In my case (after paternity leave was up), WH was here 7 days per week, 2 of the days for 7 hours at a time. Then he scaled back to 6 days and eventually 5 days. BUt you see- it was A LOT of time! The parenting plan was originally 2-3 days, 2-3 hours at a time for the first few months and then it increased from there.So much for that plan!

if he scoffs and tries to say "but he is my son, too! I deserve to see him as much as I can! He needs to know I am his father!" well...I bet you can think of some "tough love" responses to those comments can't you? lol!

Again, I found that by finally explaining to stbxh that S, myself and stbxh need to experience the reality of our life...so that I can detach, so that S gets used to the way it will be and this will be "his norm" and that it is still more than the legal recommendation...well stbxh couldn't disagree with any of it!

Oh and do note that Piano and Gatsby both (and me too) had soft hearts about wanting our Hs to get to be with their babies as much as possible. I point it out because you may PLAN to only let your H visit for a short while but once your son is born, all that goes out the window! And you know, you might want to let him see him a lot at first and THEN say "ok we really need to stick to the parenting plan now." I hope I didn't confuse you too much!!