embracing change

[newmama]

(((hugs))) I know you have been saying for some time now that you didn't see any hope for R. But when the reality of D hits anyone, it is still a blow!

FM, I think maybe because you have done a decent job of detaching, it helped you to not feel devestated.

I have been going back and forth on having "the talk". Part of me feels it would help with closure and allowing myself to express myself freely... for me. Another part of me thinks 1. I am too vulnerable to have that convo with a stone and 2. I don't want him to have the satisfaction of knowing what I'm thinking and feeling.

And what is also funny is that I was thinking that I was messed up for not wanting to talk to my stbxh about the end of our marriage, but you summarized your feelings about it so well and they matched what I was feeling! ANd then others said they felt the same!

OK so you may have seen that I did have a disorganized, unproductive discussion with stbxh (no- wait, a discussion involves 2 or more people right? where is the sarcastic face). I have no idea what prompted me to just spring it on him. I was too vulnerable for sure! Like you worry for yourself. But here is what I got from it

1)I was allowed to express myself freely for "me" like you want to do. It felt great but

2)I was talking to a stone--because he said things like "I'm sorry." "I have doubts about this. But I think it is the right thing to do." "Yes." "No."
BLECHHH! Not insightful or helpful! USELESS!! Oh wait- my curiosity was "fulfilled" in a couple of ways, but it was not satisfying

3) unfortunately, because I spoke freely, I allowed him to know what I was feeling and thinking about lots of things AND I REGRET IT! So it felt good at first to let it all out but then I thought "oh crap. Why did I say such and such? Did this make it worse?"
ANd I was not swearing or yelling or anything.

And soooo, after all of this, I thought to myself: "Why in the world didn't I just sit down and write a letter/email? I KNEW he wasn't capable of a 'back and forth' discussion!"

I also thought that I could have just written down what I wanted to say and planned it out and then had notes to refer to, lol!


OK I share this on your thread because you had the foresight to think about the pros and cons of talking to him!