MLC - standing by my man

[Mila]

Thank you Jack, I'm not sure if it's healthy or not. Do you think that I shouldn't talk to him because my H doesn't like it, or because it's bad for me.

My H doesn't know if I still talk to him or not and either does his wife. We are not trying to change their minds or win them back...we don't share with them what we talk about, we are just observing and letting things unfold...

When we talk it's for support, same way as I would talk to one of my DB friends from here. But we also talk about ourselves, how we are coping, our GAL's, kids, books we read. I guess you could say that we have become friends.

He is a good guy, real family man, intelligent and a good dad. After the initial stages of anger, persuading, pleading, desperation....you know the usual (we all went through that stage) he is handling the situation with his W with compassion and dignity.

No, he is not on the DB board (I decided not to tell him about it), but he has come a long way on his own (counseling, reading and talking to his chaplain) and he is doing all the right things....Actually I think that he is very good at DBing now.

We have both dropped the rope, but did not cut it. If he was on this board I would admire him for his compassion and love for his wife, for his strength of character and for his ability to continue to have a very good relationship with his W....considering the circumstances.

The other day they went for a walk and had a 1 1/2hr long talk, kind of a closure talk, ended up holding hands and hugging and her telling him that the relationship with my H is like a vortex that she is being sucked into and she has no control, told her H that he is a great man, that she trusts him and that she misses him....she is so confused and divided, so broken and depressed and he is there for her...not pleading or trying to win her back, just telling her that he sees her pain and that he understands how difficult this is for her and that he is moving on but will still be there for her if she needs someone to talk to.

I have only met this man because of our cheating spouses. But I could see that if we have met under different circumstances that we could have become friends...of course I'm not talking about anything romantic...absolutely no feelings like that.

Jack you are right, our relationship (with OW's H) started in pain and hurt, but I must say that it evolved into a more healthy friendship, one of support and encouragement and moving forward, not dwelling on pain and re-living the betrayal.