Hello everyone after reading many posts by Allen A and Puppy, it seems the attitude are a bit different then the advice that is the norm on the other boards. Essentially I was using the Allen A method, and I successfully busted an affair my wife was having with her bosses son.
I had alot of help from OM1's Wife (wife of bosses son) and well she and I have forged a friendship and she lets me know what WAW is up too if anything over there now, she is still distanced and upset about my WAW and her Hub, but is committed to Testify for me for the sake of My DD1.
Now after this affair was busted, my WAW was rather upset as I had learned some new Intel yesterday regarding possible plans they had. My WAW has said she was getting a house, and well I found out from OM1' W that his husband had started to lease a house while he was separated from his Wife.
Luckily after the affair busted, he decided against this, moved from his moms home where my WAW is living to his dad's and now is going to reconcile with his wife, or at least try.
Now WAW was obviously very upset and broke a No-contact order we have in place by CPS. She messaged me on myspace, knew what I had done, and also had mentioned what I told a former mutual friend regarding handling the D gently. Such as (Shared Custody - No Child support - We try to be friends) Well, during that conversation we had I said I wanted to work on the marriage, and that if she didnt I was going to seek Full custody of my daughter.
She went ballistic made threats against my dad and other daughter from prev relationship. She is extremely upset due to the fact our DD1 is now with my sister as a guardian due to her stupid behavior.
I had mentioned this to my therapist, whom said I HAVE to TELL CPS. Which I did, not sure if it ever got back to WAW, because our CPS worker never returns calls, and never returned my therapists calls either. Go figure!
Any way after this I learned that WAW has been talking to a few diffrent men, and well began to date another for about a week. She had posted pics of herself and him having breakfast etc... As he is a pro photographer, she also created a fake profile that he obviously helped her with. I did some checking and found out who he was.
I sent him a message, and advised him to back off and that I would file a restraining order on him in regards to my DD1. It worked, he messaged back said he was not interested anymore didnt want the hassle, and that my WAW was a unfit parent and he also said she surrounds herself with all these guyfriends on facebook, so buddy i am the least of your worries and I am done with her.
Well OM1's Wife called, WAW's boss seen where this Photogragher guy flamed my WAW on her WALL and said she was crazy and didnt need to be a mother, and that her husband contacted me etc... For all her friends to see. He did some exposing of himself for me. Whattya know.
Well, anyway shortly after this OM1's Wife called and gave me some new intel. She advised WAW told her boss, that alot of this behavior has been due to her wanting to " Draw me Out" so Ill do something stupid. If we dont settle in mediation, it is going to be ugly for to get custody of DD1 as she has some real mental issues, no good witnesses, and a prior arrest for assault against me where DD1 was taken from her.
Now WAW is hellbent against me and is obviously so resentful and seething that she is really exhibiting very bad decision making. I have been detached, making my changes, 180s GAL all that good stuff, and well If i lose I lose her. I will still go for full custody for DD1.
I pretty much decided to DETACH, Go DARK, blocked her facebook, etc... After these 2 flings were busted.
Low and behold, on her profile before I blocked it a 3rd guy, one who is a definite predator, as he had messaged my wife when were together in the family home. I had asked her to remove him from facebook, and to delete his message with phone number in it. Anyone that would ask to hang out with a married woman is a snake.
Well anyway more intel - OM`1's Wife let me know, WAWs boss came home and this new OM2 was there on a DD1s visitation day, and was actually playing with my DD1. This guy smokes weed like a train, works as a lowly barback at some crap bar, and is not someone I want my precious DD1 around.
So, she is definitely dating this scumbag, and I hate to say it a major part of it I am sure is to draw me out with this news, since I ran him off. Another thing is well I know a bunch of Scumbag OM2 friends as I used to hang at the same bar where he does, but now I choose not to go there well also I just dont drink much anymore.
I def have avenues to bust on this but It seems I have pushed WAW so far away, it has become some sick game to one up each other. She knows I want to fight for the marriage, and well to be honest SHE HAS NOT FILED though telling everyone she would 2-3 months ago??? Could be money, but I dunno if she wanted it as bad as she said she should have by now.
I love my family, and I want to give it the best shot for my DD1. When all 3 of us were together being a normal family it wasnt that bad at all. I just fear the freedom of not watching a baby every day, combined with the fact DD1 was taken away and also being a teen her mind has her set off a wrong track.
Dont get me wrong, I know WAW needs some help, she shows some narcissistic qualities and some selfish behavior but I love her and I know that she was happy with us as a family when we were doing family things.
Now I have made so many changes, that well there is like no complaint she can throw at me anymore, other then her delusions that everything is my fault.
Allen A, Puppy please help with a plan as I am curious about the tough approach?? Or am I just too late or crazy to try because I want to save a marriage and a Family.
Last edited by knightinneed; 06/24/1012:44 AM.
M 36 W 29 Together 2 1/2 years married 14 months Daughter 15 months Bomb 4/22/10 Separated since 4/25/10 OM 6/10/10 Hopeful, but moving on
If she's trying to "draw you out," to do some thing crazy, then it's time to be the most sensible, responsible guy in the room. Volunteer at a homeless shelter. Coach some underpriveliged kids. And DON'T take her bait.
Why exactly do you want this woman back? Do you think she is truly a woman of character, that you want raising your daughter and teaching her morals and values, and she's just temporarily gone astray? Or is this who she is -- a serial adulteress?
Puppy, she was not like this when we were together, I can honestly say Puppy I killed alot of attraction with her by being depressed gaining weight and not handling finances correctly.
All the changes she wanted have been made. Meds, counseling, not drinking, going to church being a man of god. Also, just being a good dad and husband.
I feel that I have a fair share of blame in messing up our relationship. I would honestly want to try for DD1, because It wasnt always bad. We used to have some real good times.
All the complaints she had have been addressed.
Weight - lost 35 Finances- all caught up with a plan Moving - To a better part of town - will be doing so soon Drinking - basically quit Smoking - going to quit that as well Church - been going Communication - Feel like i know my triggers well now Excercise - do it every day Being a better dad - to my other daughter
So, I have really took to heart all of her complaints and worked things out for me, ill be ok whether or not I lose her. But after just basically detaching and then noticing the aggressive approach you guys have on this forum, I thought well was I doing the right thing all along or does she have to hit rock bottom herself??
I dont know, i mean I do love her and well I was just gonna wait things out for court to be over, and then show her my changes and see what happened act as IF ya know. I mean I could go out and get me another GF no problem, I dont have to be desparate, but the fact that we are a family and have DD1 together I wanted to make sure I tried all I could before giving up.
M 36 W 29 Together 2 1/2 years married 14 months Daughter 15 months Bomb 4/22/10 Separated since 4/25/10 OM 6/10/10 Hopeful, but moving on
I am going to say something I hope you don't find too offensive.
The resentful wife who has tried to tame her husband from a bad boy into a good guy who then turns around and runs off with a biker is the cliche that comes to mind.
I don't know if this is the case (or cliche), but the point is... what kind of person ruins their own life out of spite for another? Part of what you claim motivates her is purely vindictive to the point that she got herself locked up even.
Whatever is going to happen, you are moving in a better direction now. I like Puppy's idea of getting involved with a charity and doing good things in the community.
You need to start surrounding yourelf with giving people and helping others. I like that for you.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 06/24/1001:09 AM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Not offended. I mean I am ok now, i have my moments but much better, I guess regardless of the bust. 1 common denominator lurks, and that is some scumbag has been around DD1 during a court monitored visitation. That is sick to me. Well even If I didnt want to bust it for any other reason, why not for that one. I mean come on, I do not want my DD1 around that, and well I feel it could be warranted? WHat do u think?
M 36 W 29 Together 2 1/2 years married 14 months Daughter 15 months Bomb 4/22/10 Separated since 4/25/10 OM 6/10/10 Hopeful, but moving on
Yes many possible futures. I would still be inclined to hear Puppy and Allens response on this as well.
I have also considered this, knowing she needs help and my plan for full custody WILL NOT CHANGE. Is basically to tell her this when the time comes.
Look I am filing for full custody, and due to the way your acting and the evidence and witnesses I have you can either come home and get some help and straighten yourself out for your daughter and me or you can deal with me having full custody.
Plus I will ask for supervised visitation, and anyone you have around my daughter I will want to know about it, because I am not going to allow her to be around any bad influences.
I know its hardline, but well it serves 2 purposes. 1 purpose is Ill take her back if she is serious about the M and is willing to get help. Or if she does not then I move on with Full custody and she can pay me child support.
M 36 W 29 Together 2 1/2 years married 14 months Daughter 15 months Bomb 4/22/10 Separated since 4/25/10 OM 6/10/10 Hopeful, but moving on
Look I am filing for full custody, and due to the way your acting and the evidence and witnesses I have you can either come home and get some help and straighten yourself out for your daughter and me or you can deal with me having full custody.
Let the lawyers handle the legal crap.
Do NOT use you daughter as a bargaining chip to try to CONTROL your wayward wife.
I thought you were making progress? Now you are sliding backward.
You CANNOT control her. You shouldn't even want to try. Let her figure out her own moves and worry about YOURSELF and your daughter.
Dang, and I thought you were wising up.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I agree here.. I don't think a child should be in the care of an addict or someone so childish and cruel as to abandon their spouse like this...
As long as custody is being sought to PROTECT the child rather than to simply PUNISH the cheating spouse I don't see a problem with pursuing full custody
