I think anytime she hits you with something you don't know what to say.....you can just tell her you'll need to think about it and you'll get back to her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I think anytime she hits you with something you don't know what to say.....you can just tell her you'll need to think about it and you'll get back to her.
From my experience, he is going to be saying that a lot if she really knows how to push his buttons.
Everytime I think I know how to respond to my STBXW's stuff, she throws out a real doozy, and suprise emotion pops up, and I have to think about it, but then... she goes right back to the same stuck place she was in before she left, so the trick is not to react AT ALL when you feel that emotion welling up because she found a chink in your new armor.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I haven't been on here for a year or 2 but just got back on after some self inflicted R problems. Anyway I read your messages and wanted to give you my thoughts from my experiences. For starters your emotions and feelings are completely 100% normal. The way your wife is acting is very similar too a million other stories on here. You have gotten a lot of good advice in that you should not rush, back off, don't act on emotions or even show them.
The one thing I would suggest is turn the tables on her. Number one you need to get out of the house and make her wonder what you are thinking don't lay it out for her. I know its hard since you have the kid and all, but if you divorce you eventually will find the time to get out. Don't allow her to easily win you back make her fight for it. If she doesn't have to fight for it then it's not worth keeping in the long run. Stay positive. I know how all these suggestion are very difficult and the vast majority of people can't do them, but many others instead act on the overwhelming emotions. This is why so few actually are successful.
Be strong. Stronger than you ever have. Don't say things like I don't feel safe in the Marriage. Safe sounds weak. Men should not sound weak. We should not worry about being safe and should never say these types of things to a woman. The faster you can adapt to controlling your emotions and being independent the higher your chances are for being successful in getting what you want. And what you want is the woman that you loved not whats in front of you right now.
Me - 34 W - 33 S - 5 D - 4 M - 14 years Bomb 1 Dec 06 Bomb 2 Aug 07 Separated - Aug 07 WAW Renting own place - Dec 07
Lastnight I talked to W. She asked what she can do to keep the M. She said she would do anything. I said the 1st thing you can do is cut all ties with OM, NO EXCEPTIONS.
She said that was fair and thank you..... I thought I would feel relieved that she wanted to work on the M. Now I feel like I need to monitor her now to see if she really cuts off ties.
It's like the forbidden fruit, will she be more prone to contact him because I don't want her too now? The biggest problem is I don't have access to phone records anymore since I removed her from my plan.
I feel like i'm back at square one.
M: 36 W: 29 S: 2.5 EA: 2/2010 OM1 D Bomb: 3/2010 PA: 6/2010 OM2 W moved out 8/2010 Loc: DE, USA
Lastnight I talked to W. She asked what she can do to keep the M. She said she would do anything. I said the 1st thing you can do is cut all ties with OM, NO EXCEPTIONS.
She said that was fair and thank you.....
So she's going to quit her job?
What about all of the transparency plan items we discussed?
Other jobs pay income, last time I checked. Your MARRIAGE isn't going to survive if there's contact, and there WILL be contact if she stays at that job and he's her supervisor!
My transparency plan is the key logger and do i just ask for her new login for the phone records???
There was an entire script and set of advice on how to handle this, FFH, and unfortunately you only get ONE crack at it. THAT'S WHY WE TOLD YOU TO WAIT.
