Husband left me 3 months pregnant...

[newmama]

Just to clarify some facts in my sitch- the only reason stbxh stayed with me after the birth was because of pre-arranged paternity leave. It was not for our relationship and I never was led to believe he was leaving OW. He only admitted to considering reconciliation.

In all of this i do no want the baby to be a reason for him to want to come back. I know to some it sounds wrong. but i need him to want back for me, and only me. the family part is a bonus. truth is again, i want him to bond with son and have the new baby experience. And because i need the help!

But here's the thing- other marriage counselors out there say this- if the initial motivation to come back is FOR the baby, then at least he is coming back! And then the 2 of you reconnect and the initial reason was just a jumping board so to speak.
But guilt tripping him and using the baby is not a good idea! He will resent you for it (IMO). Not that you would do that!

And about letting him be the father-- well remember, BD, that he wants to be a "part time" dad. I really wish I had put this into perspective for my stbxh. Part time dads get to be with their child, well, part time! Hey, it is what he wants! SOunds harsh, but it will help set your son up for your son's reality as well, you know?