Your WH is letting you know that all your words are just rolling off him. In one ear and out the other!, as they say.
I agree!
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Avoid words (although occassional 'truth darts' might be useful) and make him FEEL what it's going to be like as a divorced dad.
And my suggestion quick smart would be to let him know (on email so you control yourself, and a very short email at that) that you won't be needing him to stay with you post the birth at your house.
How do I push him away from becoming a father and the birth experience? If I do things out of spite or to teach him a lesson, than I feel like I am doing no better in dictating his life like he did mine when he left.
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And what are you going to do if he picks up and leaves 2 or 4 weeks into it?? Like NM's husband? You'll be devastated all over again.
this i agree and know... We actually talked about maybe not having him stay every night... or alternating with my family... I dont want to get used to him being here... I really think H will have a harder time staying away from his son.
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I don't think your H is going to come back because you let him stay with you. He will come back - IF he comes back - when he realises what he is about to miss out on.
i do agree and think him staying wont make him change his mind. In all of this i do no want the baby to be a reason for him to want to come back. I know to some it sounds wrong. but i need him to want back for me, and only me. the family part is a bonus. truth is again, i want him to bond with son and have the new baby experience. And because i need the help!
it would be nice for him to see what 'our family' could look like... but i dont think its enough to change his mind.
Its really hard for me, because i am basing a lot of actions on MLC WAS and how creating a safe environment, a happy welcoming home, will help they see what they are missing and will ease them into coming back home. Honestly, that is not my main drive.
My main drive (an I am about to get corny, so dont gag) but everything i do is out of Love. Not love for him, but for the baby and myself. i went through the anger, and I am going to DB util he comes home and so phase... didnt work for me. Not for my sitch anyway. When i read a lot on the MLC threads on here, i noticed changes. now maybe they are not changes to make H want to come home and reconcile, but they are enough changes, where I know S will come into a happy environment.
Right now (and i tell myself every time i start thinking too much) my only focus is to build a happy and healthy environment where the baby will be loved.
MIL was so sweet and said she is planning to take vacation days and will stay here if when I need her! My mom of course would put me and the baby in her pocket and take care of us! and I have fabulous sisters... I have had so many people offer... lol. hope they stick to it!
gotta go pack my bags! you never know... the girls in my family all deliver early, no water breakage, and go rather quickly... would be nice for me right?!
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH. DONT EVER STOP SUGGESTING AND BEING HONEST! I APPRECIATE YOUR WORDS OF WISDOM MORE THAN YOU'LL KNOW!
