No longer "stuck808". Now my name is Bond. "MrBond

[MrBond]

Journaling:

So last week Friday, I see my W at my D's school in the morning and she tells me that she (my daughter) wanted to have lunch together. For some reason, whenever she makes a request she always does it as if she is requesting for our Ds. I told her I'd think about it and left.

That comment really bothered me because I certainly didn't want to go if only our Ds wanted me to and she didn't. Whenever she makes requests like that it always sounded like she had not choice. So I call her back and ask her if she would like me there. She said she didn't care. So I told her that I didn't want to go if she didn't want me to be there. She kind of huffed and said "fine!" and I hung up.

I call her back a couple of minutes later and told her to stop saying "fine". Everything to her has been fine. I told her that I said what I did because it bothered me and that things were not "fine". And I told her that when she does that she holds onto old resentments and if she were to just talk to me about things rather than holding things in, we wouldn't be in this mess. So I tell her that next time, if she wanted to ask me to go with them that she should just say something like "I was wondering if you could join us" or something like that. She listened and we ended things on a good note.

Lunchtime came around and she calls. First thing she says is "I was wondering if you were free for lunch." So she listened to how I felt. She didn't have to, but I took it as a good sign. So we went out to lunch and it was great.

Saturday comes around and we take the kids to a beachside fair. My oldest is acting really fussy and my W is acting pissy. She complains about the heat and leaves us to stand under the shade. So later that night ask her "so what's wrong?" I told her it was obvious something was bothering her. She tells me that she had gotten her period and that she was flowing pretty heavy in the day. I told her that I'm sure she was very uncomfortable and that I wished I had known or else we wouldn't have gone to an outdoor event in the first place. So I tell her that she just needs to tell me. She says that she did "tell me" when she hesitated the night before about agreeing to go.

I told her that the "hesitation" is not telling me and that I can't interpret what something like that means. I mention to her that she could just tell me straight up what was going on and I would have understood. I used this as an example of how she isn't telling me things when she thinks she is. I also tell her that if there are things I do that irritate her, I wouldn't know unless she told me. Or else I'd keep doing the same things over and over again. She said she understood.

So Father's Day comes around and it's so NORMAL that I can't believe we're separated. She has a great time, the kids are happy, she's engaging me. Then in the end she leaves to go back to her sister's place.

I had a T session on Monday and tell her about all that's going on. She didn't understand why my W acts the way she does and how she can act very close yet still stay distant.

One thing I forgot to mention was that last week, my MIL told my kids that mom "wasn't coming home". That bothered the hell out of me. So I told my W that it was inappropriate for her mom to tell our kids that when they are confused. Hell I'm still confused. She agreed it was inappropriate. However when I asked her if she was going to tell her mom, she kept telling me "I don't know." So I tell her that I'm worried about her mom making negative comments about me and I didn't want that to happen. She again sounded indifferent.

So fast forward to yesterday. We end up getting into a R talk and I tell her again about my concern about what her mom said to the kids. Then she tells me that her mom told her directly what she said and regretted saying it (my W never brought it up to MIL, she just told my W about it). I got upset again and asked her why she didn't tell me what her mom said. I told her that I had to deal with the kids crying about it and it really bothered me. She told me that she thought it was better not to tell me as it might make things worse. I told her again that right there was the whole problem to everything. She's always been making assumptions of how I feel or what I would do and so she doesn't say anything.

I asked her if when I tell her all these things about how I feel, what she does, things about the kids, etc. If she actually listens or just blows them off thinking that I'm just ranting. She told me that she actually listens. So I think there's some progress. She just has to get her head out of her butt and do something.

This Saturday is both our birthdays (yes we share the same day) so I asked her out with the kids. She accepted and sounded pretty happy about it. We'll see what happens.

Whew that was a long one.