Until you can get more intel than what you have keep looking... This is odd that he would insist all the marital problems are yoru fault etc, but still pursue sex... spouses having affairs usually try to be nice as pie to throw off suspicion or they distance themselves... they don't usually act wayward adn pursue sex... strange...
The only suspicious purchase has been a background check he purchased through some online site a couple of weeks ago. I found that rather odd. Although, it could be that he was doing it on himself to see what came up. I really don't know. That one has me baffled.
The background check may be him trying to locate and contact an old girlfriend.
Most of the "people search" sites will only give the most basic search info, like name, state, and any aliases or married/maiden names. In order to get additional info, like phone or email, he would have to pay for the full background check.
Until you can get more intel than what you have keep looking... This is odd that he would insist all the marital problems are yoru fault etc, but still pursue sex... spouses having affairs usually try to be nice as pie to throw off suspicion or they distance themselves... they don't usually act wayward adn pursue sex... strange...
Isn't it though?!!! That's why I'm so confused and don't know what to do here. I can't get a grip on what's really going on. The blaming me I figured was in part because yes, I do have things I needed to fix. But, also because it's easier to blame me for his life not being what he wants it to be than to point fingers at himself. I don't know whether an OW fits in to this or doesn't.
Check his phone when he takes a shower.. if he has it locked, you have your answer.. there's only ONE REASON to lock up a cell phone... to HIDE something...
Check his phone when he takes a shower.. if he has it locked, you have your answer.. there's only ONE REASON to lock up a cell phone... to HIDE something...
Those who have nothing to hide, hide NOTHING
If he's hiding something he's cheating
I would think he would be smart enough to delete anything worth seeing - but you never know! I did check it weeks ago when I was in snooping mode: didn't find anything. I stopped snooping after an email back and forth between the 2 of us in which I said the following:
1. If you want to go, Go. It's not what I want but love must be free and I will let you go and I will be OK.
2. If you want to move out yet, "date", I don't think so - not if it involves you having other relationships. I will not be in an open marriage. Yet, I think dating would be a good idea if that's what you want to do, but not if you are having inappropriate relationships.
3. If you want to move into the home office, that's certainly your prerogative . I feel like I am giving you more than enough space but you do what you feel you need to do.
These were all nicely, but firmly stated - in response to his suggestions for our relationship. I would gladly post the whole exchange here if I thought it'd help someone else! (I was proud of what I said and how I said it.) Since then, he has not moved out of our bedroom, not gone out after work or been mean. Yet, he has not been affectionate either and not said ILY (which he was stilll saying before the email exchange) and he continues his nightly jogging. I know the jogging seems pretty innocent - yet, I can't get over the fact that his clothes are not gross and sweaty as they should be when he returns home. AND he's gone for an hour usually. However, if I were having an affair - I certainly wouldn't be going out to hook up like he's dressed! lol
they don't usually act wayward adn pursue sex... strange...
I'm sure it's rare,but I do remember a couple of times where sex continued. My first thought would be that "she" isn't who he's thinking about during sex. That might account to why he doesn't want to kiss during ML nor act very interested.....plus he quickly reminds her that it meant nothing, and was just sex.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
they don't usually act wayward adn pursue sex... strange...
I'm sure it's rare,but I do remember a couple of times where sex continued. My first thought would be that "she" isn't who he's thinking about during sex. That might account to why he doesn't want to kiss during ML nor act very interested.....plus he quickly reminds her that it meant nothing, and was just sex.
Well, he only did that the one time - about telling me it meant nothing, the first time after the bomb. To be honest - he's never been a big "lets kiss while ML" person. It's always bothered me, but it's always been the case. I have to remind him or initiate that part. I don't know how to put this. He's never been a sensual person. I crave that because I am, but he's not at all. Of course, you could still be right but wanted to clarify.
To add - it bothers me more that all other types of affection have stopped. He comes home from work today, for instance, and hugs our son but no interest in hugging me. When I talked to him at dinner he was polite, but barely even eye contact. We watched a movie together and it was pleasant, but then right after - he left to go play XBox again. I keep looking in there to see if there's any texting going on or anything - but nothing. I do know he had some resentment towards me - for not "changing sooner" and I don't know if this is part of all his detaching or what. It just really seems like he wants to be left alone.
Its odd, the technical terms being danced around are
Monogamous Infidelity Polygamous Infidelity
These two are usually easy to distinguish from one another.. but your case is a bit of an oddball...
Usually the Polygamous WS will try to act as if, not demonstrating any beligerence at all... while the Monogamous WS will be overtly rebellious, avoidant, and even cruel...
Yours is doing BOTH, so I don't know what to say.. Is this how it was last time though? Or was it a more clear distinction before?
