Completely Blindsided

[blind]

Hey Piano, thanks for joining in

I can see that you're a few months ahead of me, even just by the number of posts! I feel bad about complaining after reading your sitch, someone walking out when their partner is pregnant is just something I can barely fathom.

I can definitely see the value in the early posts of advice I was given. I was clouded a lot by everything else that was going on, but over the time they've sunk in and now I think (THINK) I understand them.

Yeah, my W is living up the single life... I don't know if there is an OM or not. There was an A, but anything beyond that is just me speculating/driving myself insane.

I am starting to get a bit worried about getting exhausted. I've had to pull back on the push ups a bit because the dancing has been wearing me out. No matter how much time I'm spending in bed I'm waking up tired, though that may be due to other things. These next few days alone I've got - A driving lesson (very few left before license!) and possible Salsa class tonight, dinner with a friend tomorrow who is a pro photographer and will be taking some headshots (going to give the acting thing a try), watching a dance comp on sat and going along to buy new dance shoes, meeting up with a dear old friend Sun morning, and then back into the swing of the normal week again.

There's a lot going on, but I hate it when it gets quiet.

What kind of dancing were you doing?

I really do feel the whole "dropped on the otherside of the world" thing, even though I'm back in my home town. I was never a fan of the place, and spent a lot of my teenage years getting things together so I could leave.

I don't know if I'll be able to afford a mortgage... or even rent on a place that isn't a hovel for that matter... but I can't stay here. I'm working a 6 month contract at my current job, at the end of which I'll be moving up to Sydney. The plan was always for us to live in Sydney, so I've told her that I'm going, with or without her.

GALing with a newborn must be... wow, just a whole new set of complications. And *I* complain about being exhausted! You must be tired all the time, and preoccupied! What are you doing to get out and about? Are your parents able to help at all?

Yeah, my W is fairly young.. I met her while she was backpacking alone over here, which was a big "I'm independent" thing. She lived on her own for a short while before moving in to mine... so it's possibly a bit of a "doing it alone" thing... but that's not something she's mentioned. Though as has been said, you can't believe half of what a WAS says, so there could be more to it than she's let on. A big problem, aside from the distance and the now set expectations of family and friends, is that she thinks that she has hurt me too much for me to ever forgive her... I think anyway. So even if she does waver, she won't think that she deserves me.

Possibly. I'm speculating again.

I guess what it comes down to is that I need to not get deluded with hope. I need to act as if she's not coming back and get on with my life.

Maybe I'll do a post tonight and list some of these goals I'm working towards.

(Thanks again for the input Piano!)