I often wonder the same thing about my H. How on EARTH he can be so dense and thoughtless. Ever since he moved in with OW (about two months ago) he has been sending me random texts wanting to come over for dinner (note: he has not been allowed to step foot in my house since May of 2008), telling me he is thinking of me and he thinks of me often and so on.
Now he has taken to writing me little stupid "hope you are well" notes when sending my spousal maintenance checks each month where in the past he would just send the check.
Honestly, he has no regard for my feelings and has never taken the time to see things through my lens. Sounds like your H is in the same place. They made the tough hurtle of getting the D papers done, now they are moving in (or have moved in) with OW and don't seem to realize their "tough task" is done. We have the enormous task of not only rebuilding but rebuilding with the knowledge our H's are living with their mistresses.
I think you are doing the right thing by being polite yet brief and denying him any small talk. When his phone does arrive I would text him and let him know the phone is there, you have signed for it but any pkg's or mail in the future will may not come to your home.
My H, after two + years has not bothered to change his mailing address. For a long time I sent him his mail. Not anymore. He has mail here piled up for months. If he wants it he can contact me and ask me when I am available to give it to him.
It's not about being harsh but for me it's about living in reality. I am not a postal station. I will not accept cute/romantic/intimate texts from a man that has a live in lover even though that *man* happens to be my H.
You can do all this with a breezy smile but eventually the dynamic has to change and since our H's don't seem to "get" things will change due to their choices, it is up to us to get that ball rolling.
