I agree with the therapist. If you are working on, or wishing to repair a marriage, and get involved in an affair, you may as well throw kerosene on the fire and watch it burn.
I agree...that can escalate things quickly. Plus, always take the high road. If you start an affair, then you bring yourself down to his level
M: 39 W: 39 Kids (3): S10; S8; D4 Married 14 years Togethor: 18 years Wife's Weird Behavior Started: 2nd Half of 2009 Bomb Dropped (about being "so done"): 2/17/10 Current Status: In counseling
After more than a week of my husband not speaking to or acknowledging me, including on our 12th wedding anniversary, I am ready for a divorce. I've been on this roller coaster since March 2009, and I can't take it anymore. My quality of life, even with all the wonderful people in it, is rock-bottom low, because of the way he makes me feel. I've noticed when I walk by mirrors lately and catch a glimpse of myself, that I am always frowning, or have a worried look on my face. In all the years leading up to this nightmare, I was a fun, outgoing, optimistic person. I want that old person back. I've lost my fight to save this marriage and have lost my ability to continue being treated so poorly. I will do whatever it takes to get my family out of this miserable situation, and I will also do everything possible to help my children survive what is going to be traumatic to their sweet lives.
The roller coaster has dipped to the depths again. My husband has not spoken to me in days, is very angry with me and is asking for a divorce...again. I arranged for a sitter this weekend for our anniversary, and he asked me to cancel her, because he doesn't feel like celebrating. I'm very hurt and am thinking of going back out of town. I really just want us to resolve things in one way or another at this point. He knows I won't be the one to file for divorce; I've made that clear to him. It's just a very sad situation.
Sounds like NEW CONTACT/re-conflgration with OW to me.
I agree, Puppy. I have no doubts in my mind that is what is happening. I'm trying to keep my spirits up by repeating to myself the confirmations my therapist shared with me...I am a child of God, He loves me, I am a good mother, I am a smart, kind person, I am a good friend, I have been a good wife, I am a good family member....between that and "Stop" thinking (imagining the big, red STOP sign when I start thinking of him and the OW).
Thank you, IDU. I've been keeping up with your situation as well and am very sorry for the pain you are going through. Hang in there and keep your chin up!
One thing I failed to mention earlier....when I asked my husband what had changed in the last couple of weeks (when things were going so well), he said, "I guess we just want different things. I don't know how to explain it. I'm sorry."
?!?!
It's so frustrating and so sad at the same time. I miss the man I married 12 years ago. Something changed in him 16 months ago, and I don't think it will ever change back.
My husband and I had a very good weekend, filled with hanging out with the kids, friends and spending some quality alone time together. It was one of the best weekends we've had in months. There was no pressure, no talk of the relationship, just "being." Sometimes I think I try too hard and over-analyze his every move or even lack of move, therefore causing an argument and for him to pull away (even when the OW isn't in the picture). I think he got freaked out when I started pushing him for information on what he had done at home when I was out of town, and he pulled away. I think I need to stop trying so hard and focus on just enjoying the time we are together. The constant snooping around in his business is exhausting and constantly makes my stomach hurt. I feel like I need to give him some time to prove himself without me constantly being on his back to prove himself.
Things are still going good, and we've had some great family times together in the last two weeks. We plan to go on a date on Friday night. Letting go of the constant worry and obsessing about my husband and the OW allows me to be a better wife, mother, friend and person in general.
