W told me last night that "we" were invited to her sister's house for dinner tonight. I am going to pick up a 6-pack of beer and meet her there. She also called me while I was on my way home from work last night and told me that my son wanted to say hello. I was so happy to hear his voice.
My sitch seems quite a bit like yours. I'm hoping to learn from your posts what works and what doesn't. Thanks for posting and giving me real-life situations and reactions to learn from.
Keep in mind, Dan, that I have been getting mixed signals for months. Some of it is to simply maintain a good co-parenting relationship. She may do something or say something that makes me feel she is exploring different feelings perhaps, but like I said, I had seen that in the past and then have been in T with her only to hear her say how much she wants to S.
I try to ignore the positive feelings because I am always waiting for the dark cloud to return.
After about 4-5 days of a seemingly kinder and gentler W, this weekend has marked the return of the distant, nasty and cold W. I don't know what I did to bring this person back.
She clearly has a short fuse with me. Everything suggest doing with the kids she receives as if I am asking to take them to the North Pole, and she barely talks to me. Last night after the kids went down I went into my room and just went to sleep, skipping dinner with her and any contact. I was laying in bed wondering what I should be doing, if anything? Lay down and take it? Wait for it to pass? Disappear? It's times like this when I feel like I am the one who would rather be S. I can't live like this -- being her punching bag. It bothers me that she shows such impatience with me in front of the C. And it's not like I am doing anything so terrible. We went to an amusement park yesterday and rode a ferris wheel and carousel with the kids and the W just couldn't relax. She would for brief moments, and then just when I'd think she's loosening up, boom.
There was one moment where she said, "I hear the Backstreet Boys." I didn't hear her well, and said, "Backstreet Boys?" She said, "Yes." I said, "Where? The Backstreet Boys are here?" She then snipped, "No! I HEAR the Backstreet Boys! What would the Backstreet Boys be doing HERE at a place like this??!!" It was so nasty. So I just happily replied, "Why not? It's not like they have anything better to do? What arena are they selling out these days?"
Even when she gets huffy I calmly defend myself and not allow myself to get angry in return. But it is strange that just when she was showing some positive signs, she has spend the last 2 1/2 days seeming as distant and detached as ever -- and I just don't get it.
Ugh, that's awful gws. There's no explaining their behavior, though. It's hard not to wonder where it's coming from, but you'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out. In my own situation, I never know which version of H to expect: angry, cold, funny, distant, mean, almost normal, etc. The only thing I can do is control my own mood, which I'm trying to keep upbeat but detached. Sounds like you're doing a good job of doing the same -- keep it up!
i was talking to my w last night about what we had been through. she simply tells me that she was "so messed up inside". however, after she made the decission to really try to make things work everything just started clicking.
but until then, her emotions were all over the place. patience is key.
Thanks for the insight, tristan ... it helps to know that it's possible to work your way through to the other side. Still, it's so hard to be patient not knowing what the outcome might eventually be. Guess you just have to tell yourself none of us ever knows for sure what the outcome of anything will be, right? C'est la vie.
Her behavior all weekend was really strange. She went to her niece's birthday party while I stayed home with the kids (nice having that luxury when you're not a single mom, huh?). I fed them lunch and took care of them while she was out.
She came home with her sister and grandmother and was all lively asking how the boys were and then telling me all about the party, etc. etc. We took the boys swimming in her parents' pool and at one point she went underwater while holding S1 up about the water, not realizing how deep the water was. No problem, but she got her head wet and came up laughing. We both laughed. But most of my weekend was spent dealing with a W who was curt, edgy, inpatient and seemingly frustrated by something.
I played cool and tried not to make matters worse.
Patience is important, but like Silent said, it's hard sometimes and you feel like there's something more you can do. But dealing with a snippy and impatient W really made me have to struggle with feeling all warm and fuzzy for her. I was pretty over her and her mood. But I keep hanging in there...
There was one moment where she said, "I hear the Backstreet Boys." I didn't hear her well, and said, "Backstreet Boys?" She said, "Yes." I said, "Where? The Backstreet Boys are here?" She then snipped, "No! I HEAR the Backstreet Boys! What would the Backstreet Boys be doing HERE at a place like this??!!" It was so nasty. So I just happily replied, "Why not? It's not like they have anything better to do? What arena are they selling out these days?"
Your reply was not happy it is passive-aggressive. Why didn't you just say "I misunderstood you. Yeah, why would the Backsreet Boys be here."
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But most of my weekend was spent dealing with a W who was curt, edgy, inpatient and seemingly frustrated by something
Wonder who that could be?
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it's hard sometimes and you feel like there's something more you can do.
Really listening, validating (agree with your wife - her thoughts/feelings)
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I played cool and tried not to make matters worse.
Try leading instead walking around afraid of your wife.
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I was pretty over her and her mood
really? your last couple of posts are all about her mood and how you reacted.
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But I keep hanging in there...
Stop being the victim. Who's more fun to be around Eeyore or Tigger?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Wonder who that could be?