Game Point

[tryingtilDorR]

Dan - I certainly haven't been called an inspiration before on these boards! I have had my share of 2x4s - see the stuff Sandi and Gucci had told me over the past year.

I have certainly spent time as a mush-ball, letting my emotions drive me to do some pretty stupid things in the past. If you can just shut off your emotions in this situation and try to deal with it it works SOOOOOOO much better. Easier said than done, however.

I am starting to feel like I am getting some more of my dignity back now that I don't have to be around W. I can now see why men leave in the situation I was in - I was adamant about NOT leaving my house which was the right thing to do, but it means living with a ghost-wife who was sneaking around trying to have a R with OM, which is pretty humiliating.

Now that she is gone the clouds are parting and I can see the light. Some day I might look back and thank the OM for taking her off my hands, who knows!

One other thing - I know what 'going dark' means now. Now that she is out I never initiate any contact with her - I have no desire to and it isn't just an act. At times she seems pretty frustrated if she texts me about something regarding the kids and I don't get around to answering her. I am not trying to be impolite or blow her off especially about my kids, but I am very busy these days and some times I forget to respond.

She has pretty much been sorting out when she wants the kids to stay with her and letting me know. I have been pretty relaxed about the whole thing since its summer and she is trying to get them used to staying with her away from their 'home' which will take some finessing.

Other things I like about her not being around -

My house is cleaner - she was never a fussy housekeeper and I have been able to keep the place clean for the most part.

I have taken over 75% of my MBR closet. It is about 150 sf closet and she has moved a lot of her stuff out, so I have spread out and have plenty of room for everything.

One less car around - I can use the garage all the time for MY car!

Quiet mornings - she used to get up early and take a shower and I would always wake up and now I can sleep undisturbed!

Peace and Quiet - I have noticed the house is a lot less noisy without her there even when all the kids are with me. She used to yell a lot to get things done with the kids and I have found that my style works just as well and I don't have to yell and fight with them as much as she does.

One other thing I am noticing is the affect on relatives. Now that she finally moved out many of our immediate family are very upset. Her mother and siblings barely talk to her. My mother is very upset. Her grandmother is besides herself. They assume I am very upset, but I have had to explain to them that I feel BETTER now that she is out and that it is a relief! however, they are facing down some emotions over the 'loss' of our family as it was which I already dealt with over the past 18 months in a long, slow, grieving process. My kids seem to be taking it in stride, but I am wary to not believe outward appearances.