My opinion, if she thinks you're controlling, going dim may be seen as another controlling tactic. As you said, her POV is what is important.

Ron

M: 47
W: 50
D: 19
S: 16
Grandson: 21 months (now officially our son)
Married: 10/2/89
Divorced: 7/31/09
XW moved back home 11/12
Re-married 5/25/10