Need a Plan for My Marriage

[LSG]

W was back to her normal distant self today. Since I will not give her what she wants, she is back to being herself. I just do not plan to allow her to have what she wants, and be nice just because she thinks I will just say sure "honey." It does not work on me these days.

The kids and I were playing around, and we had a great time. The kids did not really say much to her when she was leaving. I am just having a great time with them.

[idontunderstand]

You sound really great, LSG.

Strong, in control, confident. So much better than a couple of weeks ago. You are not letting her call the shots or walk all over you. You are standing up for yourself and the kids and it is great to see! I'm proud of how you are handling yourself. With integrity and honor.

[LSG]

IDU,

Thanks for the confidence boost. I am doing surprisingly well with all that is happening.

I plan to keep it that way too.

You are doing a good job too. Keep positive that your sitch will improve in the direction that will keep your family together.

[LSG]

W came up to me again about going to Las Vegas. I just did not want to talk to her about it. She said since I have the tickets from the wedding we attended for a hotel that I could go in our car, and she has a rental from work. I find it funny she has all this money to do this stuff when she does not make that much. It must be from her parents or the OM.

Anyways, I do not want to go, and she has to follow the court order. I do not appreciate her trying to plan what I will do when she did not even tell me that she was going to go. She said we could plan different days with the kids. She also said all she wants is to take them to "O". I told her to take a couple of friends.

I asked her when did she plan to tell me about this. She said tomorrow and that it was for next week. I said she should have told me sooner. She said she planned it last week and did not think that she had to tell me about it. Yeah, right!

I do not plan to let her just walk all over me anymore. I told her I do not want to go with her. I am sure she wants to see the OM too while she is there. I don't care, but the kids will not go there.

Maybe, some people on this forum will think I am being a hard-a$$, but I don't think so.

She has made her decisions, and she will have to live with them. I will not just say okay to anything she wants right now. It is not fair to me or the kids.

She is causing problems with the kids too when they go to sleep. My D told her to get out when she was laying in S's bed. D thinks that her mom is showing favortism to S, and I agree with her. W makes it hard to get the kids to sleep because she just will not let them go to bed. She is spending so much money to make me look bad. It is only making her look bad, and the kids don't really respect her for it.

She also told me that I never tell her when I am taking the kids, and I told her that she does it to me all the time. The kids wanted to jump rope last night after she came home late from Target, and I went with them because I like to spend time with them. They wanted to go, so I did. I never take them far away without telling her. Come on! She is being rediculous trying to compare Vegas to jumping rope outside. There is no comparison.

I do not want to be with her. She is causing so many problems with the kids. It is tragic in my opinion. Just let them go to bed. I have no problems when she is not here. I wish she was not here at all.

I told her the only time that she talks to me is when she wants something, and I will not just agree with what she wants. I told her I don't have too. She said there is co-parenting, but she is not even trying to co-parent. What a load of garbage! She just wants her way. She does not even know what co-parenting is. Give me a break!!!

She is such a selfish person, and a poor excuse for a mom. It is all about her, not the kids. If she wanted to help the kids, she should quick treating them differently.

Oh, she was telling secrets with S about D, and it upset D really bad. D said it was very rude, and she should "get out" so she could sleep.

Both kids hate what is happening and STBXW just does not get it or care.

Anyways, I am doing okay even with this happening to my wonderful children because I have to be the better parent for their sake. I feel so sorry for them!!!

[LSG]

How do I deal with my situation when my STBXW has so much money from parents and probably the OM? She is buying them things and taking them on trips. I am barely eating and making it day-to-day. I am in high spirits, but I am dealing with the stress today of my plans not happening. No matter what I do or try, it just seems to fall apart. It is not for lack of trying. It is difficult for me to understand my situation.

I remain position, but I am under a great deal of pressure.

W is spending so much money, and I have $2. Just frustrated today!

[idontunderstand]

Hang in there, man. I can't imagine how hard it must be. You will get through it.

Stay strong. An extra prayer was just sent your way.

[Coach]

Hang in there, man. I can't imagine how hard it must be. You will get through it.

Stay strong. An extra prayer was just sent your way.

IDU, that's what I mean when I recommend that "newbies" do something for someone else, it helps your PMA and it's a brotherly gesture.

Strength and Honor you guys

Cheers

[LSG]

Tomorrow I have to go to a class on how to parent that is required for all parents. I want to finish it before I start working, so I will not interfere with my job when I have one as little as possible. I also have a deposition for a harassment suit at my apartment.

God this is all happening at the same time.

I have to keep it together now more than ever.

Wife will be off all next week and will be trying to take the kids a bunch of diffeent places while I have no money and am at home.

Oh well, I will be okay. I have to say it and mean it over and over. I can't believe the stress that I am experiencing today.

I will be okay.

Thanks IDU and Coach for all the support you guys have given me.

[idontunderstand]

LSG, you are okay.

Wife will be off all next week and will be trying to take the kids a bunch of diffeent places while I have no money and am at home.

Maybe you'll get some better advice on this from the pros, but as hard as it would be, I would tell your W and kids to "have a great time doing xyz. That sounds like fun! You guys be good for your mom. I'll see you when you get home." When they get home, ask the kids if they had fun, make a big deal of it to them. Ask what they did and be excited for them . Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing that you weren't included bothers you at all.

My W has pulled this stuff, too. I took the kids swimming for the first time this year a month or so ago. They told her how much fun they had, on and on. I also invited her. In the past several weeks, she had taken them swimming, shopping for new DS games, all kinds of little things. I am never included in the plans. The kids ask me why I can't go swimming with them. I explain that I have to work and that there is plenty of summer time left, I will go swimming with them soon. W tells them we will go on a weekend whe dad can come along. That makes them happy and they will tell me about how good they can swim, how they go off the high dive, how long D6 can hold her breath under water, etc. They miss me being there. We haven't went all together yet.

Maybe I'm way off base here, but I think being excited for the kids is the way to go. Don't show W any sign of being disappointed. If they are just day trips close to home and they will be back the same night. I agree with you that you shouldn't let her take them away somewhere.

Oh well, I will be okay. I have to say it and mean it over and over. I can't believe the stress that I am experiencing today.

I will be okay.

See first sentence.

[LSG]

Journaling:

W call me at 9:09 pm to let me know that she is going to Happy Hour with a friend named Jinko, and she will give her a ride home. She said she had to work late. It is Thursday, June 24, 2010.

I heard her say in Japanese "Hai, souka." which means "yes, I understand." I did not hear anyone else. She said she was at the Haruka Happy Hour I believe.

I spent all day with the kids and had fun at the park for about 2 1/2 hours tonight. It was great to with them. I always love taking them places.

I fed, showered, brushed their teeth, and put them both to bed. There was no drama, and they went right to sleep with just me. I never have a problem getting them to bed when she is not here.