Well some won't agree with me, but this is how I see it. I think you should stay where you are. If you move back into the house it is going to really do nothing more than cause her anger to hit the roof. You aren't to fear her anger and that is not why you stay where you are, okay? If I'm understanding what you wrote, you are very near the house....maybe in eyeshot? She's already wanting to know what you are doing--and I think you could continue to use this setup to your advantage.
If you move back into the house, it will push any progress backwards several weeks due to the anger she'll have...and she may not get past that. I know if I were that WAW it would not be a good move for the H. Every stitch is a bit different, and this is how I see your's as being the exception.
Anyway, I don't see it being worth it when you are near enough that you can live in peace and out from under that kind of stress. If you were under the same roof, she would know exactly what you were doing all the time, but living right next door.....she can only wonder what you are doing....who you may be talking to, etc. It's an opportunity to make mystery work for you.
Everytime she sees that little building, she'll know that she has no right to say anything about your life now. You are free to do whatever, whereas living under the same roof....could cause so much more tension.
If handled correctly, you are in a position that could start another R with her. But remember, just as she can see where you live....so can you see her house.
Thanks Sandi, this is what I kind of thought. Yes, the apartment is right in back of the house. She does come out every now and then to "visit". I almost like being in there as it is a place to reflect on myself and give W space.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
In most cases the H is told to go back to the house and "reclaim" his position, but in your case, I think she'll see you as being just within her fingertips....but still unavailable to her. It's like getting what she thought she wanted but then discover the truth. If things go in the right direction, then you can go back into the house with a woman who truly wants you there.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Well I was served D papers yesterday. I was a good stab with a dull knife to my stomach. My wife had already left to a business event so she was not around to confront. I call her and told her that "I do not want a divorce, I cannot control what you want, but I have made a vow to you to be by your side, for better and worse. At this time we will be going through the worse part. I hope that we can come together again instead of moving our separate ways."
Looking through the papers, I see one of the friends she is hanging around lately, has her signature on it as a witness to our marital problems. I told my wife, "That I prefer that she(friend) say stay out of our business. You have may talked to her about this, but only knows your side of the story. I am not saying that I am not at fault, but she has only heard half the information given. I am not saying do to talk to her if you need someone to talk to, but please discuss this between you and I."
Since I have been served, I still want to work this out. I will get a L to protect myself, but I do not want to be too hard as to just drive her away. I see it I should do what I have to do. She will get mad anyways but will know I am serious and is willing to move forward with this with or without her.I recently signed on to FB as a GAL to meet old friends and to talk. I see my wife had already blocked me. I m not saying there is OM, but need to cover all avenues. I installed a keylogger to the main PC in the home. I would need to install one on her laptop as she uses it than the PC The only other thing is the iphone, she does almost everything on there and have no way to monitor it. One I do not want this to turn into a control or trust issue. Two I cant sneak into the house and check the phone. Am I wrong for trying to do this as a precautionary measure? Like I said i don't think there is OM, but she IS being given wrong information by her friend.
Sorry for the rambling, but I just can't get to sleep tonight and I will be a distracted at work later with this.
Thoughts...Sandi I really appreciate your advice as it seems to be dead on on what is going on here.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
I do not know if I should bring this up to my L, but from the post where we had sex. It occurred after she filed for divorce. According to the D papers if we reconciled,assuming sex can be considered reconciliation, the D is null and void and she would have to re-file. Should I try to stall this and say we had sex or just let it go and proceed without this?
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
Since I have been served, I still want to work this out. I will get a L to protect myself, but I do not want to be too hard as to just drive her away.
Not a good plan, C. Now that she's "gone legal," your best course is to play good ol' country hardball. Let your ATTORNEY handle all of that; you stay civil and courteous, and just tell your wife "I prefer to let my attorney handle that stuff -- I trust him."
It is a classic, CLASSIC mistake to take a position of "Maybe if I'm nice to her, she will not screw me legally." Appeasement doesn't work -- in geopolitics, nor in divorces.
Since I have been served, I still want to work this out. I will get a L to protect myself, but I do not want to be too hard as to just drive her away.
Not a good plan, C. Now that she's "gone legal," your best course is to play good ol' country hardball. Let your ATTORNEY handle all of that; you stay civil and courteous, and just tell your wife "I prefer to let my attorney handle that stuff -- I trust him."
It is a classic, CLASSIC mistake to take a position of "Maybe if I'm nice to her, she will not screw me legally." Appeasement doesn't work -- in geopolitics, nor in divorces.
Puppy
Thats what I plan to do. I know playing nice will get me nowhere but screwed.I know what ever I do, W will get angry that I got a L. As of now I am just going to play fair and have protection I need on my side. When the actual time comes for it to be final, then gloves are off. I will fight hard.
In the meantime I will still try to salvage our marriage, as of now I am still following the game plan and back away and do nothing to persue her.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
When my wife returns from her long trip, should I be the one to ask how her trip went? I say this b/c I usually are not the one to start a conversation.
Or
Let her come to me and let her show and tell me how her trip went? I am thinkg this,as it draws her to come to me.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
