I mean you represent him being a man - independent, a equal in a relationship, accepted, able to relax, he could please you without the guilt trip. make sense?
no wonder i was so confused when he said i was "needy and clingy" and i needed to learn how to be more "independent". i kept thinking "me? but you're the one who can't make a decision without calling them."
i thought i was doing the right thing. i don't nag, i'm independent, i don't call him when i have a flat tire, i don't keep score, i don't spend his money, i don't ask him to buy me gifts, i don't ever ask him to buy me anything, but i pay for the bills in the house. isn't this what men want in a wife? i put in my share.
Quote:
Not good. Men think all the time, it's how we solve problems. That would be a put down from my perpsective. See how a comment like that makes him feel like the "emotional" lead? The see-saw analogy. He doesn't want to be responsible for more feelings.
ok. no, i don't get it. i know that men think all the time. but how is that a put down? i wasn't about to say "awwww .. poor baby. you're not going to be alone for the rest of your life. you'll always have me." to me, that's pursuing and that was a no-no.
i tried to be comforting and i didn't give him the 'look'. who's feelings is he responsible for?
Quote:
The paradox - you become the WAS and he "gets it." You have a much better M. You become the WAS and he stays stuck - you keep walking to a better place for you. Not all in your control.
he's already walked away. is he expecting me to 'get it'? because i don't. in my head, you want to walk away. go ahead. i won't stop you. you chose this route. i made it clear that i wanted to fight for us.
Quote:
It's very loving for you to become the WAS, let him think about what he is giving up and why. Let him deal with his issues and grow. Lovingly detach.
i think it was PDT who posted a thread in newcomers that i really liked. i am fighting for us. i would hope that he would if the tables were turned. i took my vows seriously.
