How are you gonna handle yourself if one of your kids ends up on drugs or drinking heavily? Are you gonna worry about how angry they get at you when you lock the liquor cabinet?
No, but I will have to find a way to keep them from going out to a store and buying it, or from calling friends and having them bring it to them.
I get she is addicted. This guy made her feel really, really good. She is seeking any and every way possible to get ANY sort of emotional feeling from this guy, even if it is just calling his voicemail.
She is living in a fantasy land right now with her friends feeding into it telling her to "follow her heart". And the more she does that and gets no response, the more desperate she becomes. And then the more powerful the emotions are when she TRIES to contact him. She must feel like she is fighting for his heart, and her being so stubborn, gets some sort of emotional high from that.
I get that she is addicted. What I am saying is that it seems to be more powerful than I originally thought. And it is going to take some real work to keep this going the way it is: nowhere.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
Yup.. the more stubborn and in pain she is the more she's going to escape into teh addiction.
What kind of relationship do you have with these friends of hers?
Any success with her parents yet? Are you educating them well and keeping in touch with them?
You have to handle this the same way you would if she was gambling your households life savings away at a casino and such.. that means get parents involved and educate them... KEEP doing it until they are on board
She must feel like she is fighting for his heart, and her being so stubborn, gets some sort of emotional high from that.
Yes, yes, yes to the addiction, and yes, yes, yes to it being bad. She's stubborn and her pride is involved, too. For him to have cut her off means you win. And that's just not gonna do, no way, no how. OM was her "better option" but suddenly she's not his and dammit she wants to win this as much for the sake of winning as anything else. That it also means that she "won" the OM from you is just a bonus.
In other words, very little about this particular OM and all about the addiction.
I get that she is addicted. What I am saying is that it seems to be more powerful than I originally thought. And it is going to take some real work to keep this going the way it is: nowhere.
Dude, many people underestimate it, its not even portrayed as an addiction in the media... SO yes almost everyone underestimates it, misunderstands it, or worse CELEBRATES it as "romantic love"
It's as creepy as a stalker claiming THEY are "in love"... its an illness... a sick, hurtful illness
YOu are lucky and hit it hard early.. there are some on this forum who enabled it for YEARS and it just got a LOT WORSE...
What kind of relationship do you have with these friends of hers?
Absolutely none. They are 100% on her side, and tell her to "follow her heart" and "you have to do what makes you happy".
The only reason I know that is because of my advanced intel capabilities and network. It is a full time job trying to keep up with everything.
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Any success with her parents yet? Are you educating them well and keeping in touch with them?
Yes and Yes. But the more they say to her and tell her what they think (NO DIVORCE!!), the more determined she gets. They know how to handle her when she gets so stubborn. They are handling her very well, but they even admit that she is unusually determined about this. But they are working hand in hand with me.
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YOu are lucky and hit it hard early..
I have you to thank for that. I honestly do. But this guy was a high school BF, so she is dredging up all the fond memories of high school, and how he made her laugh all the time, how he made her feel ect.
It is really kind of pathetic. I actually feel some pity for her. She is chasing him down like he is the last man on Earth.
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 06/23/1003:30 PM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
Don't feel pitty, that's the addiction again.. she will make you feel sorry for HER if you let her... THAT is pathetic lol
Good to see you have turned her parents around... see? Didn't backfire at all man!
Those friends of hers.. do you know them? I am wondering if you confronted them and told themt o stop meddling and that if they have something to offer to go through her parents...
Her parents likley don't consider this an addiction, so they are underestimating her stubborness... this happens ALL the time
This aint' like you see it in the movies man... this is the real deal.. infidelity is ADDICTIVE... and no class in high school or movie in hollywood will teach you that... You have to learn it when it happens to ya... unfortunately
When I say "2-4 weeks," I'm referring to hard withdrawal. Depression, not wanting to get out of bed, laying on the couch not communicating with the family, not eating, calling in sick to work, etc.
She most definitely has NOT done any of that. She seems to have kept a fairly positive attitude about it, and just blames me for him not talking to her after I contacted him.
That's because she is still making contact. At this stage of the game, mood-wise, "BAD = GOOD and GOOD = BAD."
The withdrawal wont even start until SHE tries to end contact QS.. She hasn't accepted he's gone yet... She's in the height of the addiction right now... you are lucky you put a stop to it, it can go on for YEARS...
You need to ride it out
and those friends of hers aren't helping at ALL... I wonder if her parents would tell them to get lost for you?
Would her parents be willing to call these girls and tell them something like
We are trying to help our daughter and your meddling is making that very difficult, this is OUR daughter and you are just making the situation worse
The thing is QS, if YOU confront them your wife will just get antagonistic with you, but if her own parents do it, then you are in the clear... Does your wife have brothers or sisters?
She has a sister but they basically can't stand each other.
She has been really weird lately anyway. She came home yesterday and I didn't talk to her for about 20 min afterward. And then she said "Oh you are talking to me now?".
Then today, she came home again today and I just went about my thing. She said absolutely nothing. Then later tonight she asked me about bills, and she ended up being snippy as heck.
You can tell she feels sooo much tension toward me. She seems VERY detached about the divorce though. The way she talks to everyone she is unbelievably convinced it is the right thing.
I just play it off like nothing is wrong and only talk to her when I need to. But there appear to be SLIGHT glimpses of human-ness coming from her, although I may be misreading it. But she has been very weird lately.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
