Sorry, PDT. What I meant by the rules is "family rules'. So whether she's here or not, D and I will live by the rules. We will do our best for each other and give our best. If either of us needs time/space to adjust an attitude, rather than 'keep picking at it' (which my wife and I did and landed here), we will give the space and 'alone-ness'.
There is certainly an element of "conditional" inherent in boundaries. If you stay within the boundaries, you enjoy the full benefits of the family. If you stray outside, you are "outside" the family. It won't be that I don't love her on a certain level, but the affection and attention she wants/needs will not be available when she is 'off on a tangent'.
Clearly it won't be this "Dog Trainer" simple, but the theory seems sound.
I would just like your critique to see if it is cinsistent with DB.
I had mentioned earlier that one of W's key complaints has been the lack of affection/touching. I don't need to explain how that happened. It's a cliche circle of withdrawl. However, detaching as suggested and leaving her in time and space would simply be a continuation of our exzisting relationship. She would have nothing to miss. I was already THAT guy. That's why I felt it necessary to add the touching/affection back; even if it's simply back, foot or neck rubs. If she gets it from me then it will feel comfortable and familiar as well as reducing the need to get it elsewhere.
